Page 42 of The Outcast
“Love isn’t about intelligence or beauty. It’s about how you feel in here.” She pushed her hand against my chest. “I feel safe with you and whenever you’re around I get butterflies in my stomach. I’m fascinated with your stories and I find your slight accent arousing. I’ve fantasized and obsessed over you since August, Banni.”
I opened my mouth and closed it again. “Don’t say that.”
“That I’m in love with you?” There was no fear in her eyes, just sadness.
“Yes, don’t say it.”
Her hand fell from my chest and she moved back a little. “I won’t be made to feel ashamed of my love for you. It’s the most precious gift I can give. I didn’t choose to fall in love. It just happened.”
My heart was pounding so fast that I had a ringing in my ears. Close to twenty-eight years of conditioning was telling me not to allow my emotions to take over. “I told you last night. You onlythinkyou’re in love with me, but those feelings will pass. I’m not that special. There will be others like me, Sparrow. If you could just separate your emotions from the sex, we could have so much fun together.”
She took another step back.
“Sparrow, please.”
Her head was downturned again, and as we stood a few steps away from each other, I felt like she was miles from me. Seeing tears run down the side of her nose made me confused and angry with myself. How could I hurt someone as wonderful and kind as Sparrow? And how could she not see that asking me to love her would get us in trouble?
“You should leave now.”
“Sparrow, it’s not that I don’t have feelings for you. I’ve just never been special to anyone in that way. You’ve taken me by surprise. If I was an Nman, I would fall to my knees and propose to you right now, but that’s not in my nature and I would feel trapped if I did. I want you to experience many partners and have…” I stopped repeating the same old explanations that I’d learned because they tasted foul and untrue in my mouth. All of a sudden, I was hit with a nauseating feeling of being the biggest fool alive.
“Just go,” she whispered and dried away more tears.
Backing to her door, I somehow got out and walked in mechanical steps back to my room. Sparrow had just blown my world apart and made me question everything I knew.
But how could I feel so shitty when she was the selfish one who wanted to trap me for life?
Plunking myself down on my bed, I stared at the closet in front of me, my mind running over everything that had just happened between us. In a state of shock, I heard her words play on a loop in my mind.
I won’t be made to feel ashamed of my love for you. It’s the most precious gift I can give.
Out of all the men in the world, Sparrow had offered herself to me.Me!A low-life outcast from France.
It made no sense. Everyone back home would agree with me that it was crazy. So why was I left with the feeling that rejecting her was the biggest mistake of my life?
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CHAPTER 13
Fun Aliens
Sparrow
On my night at the inn in Karensville, I had vivid dreams of flying a spaceship far into the galaxy, visiting alien races in funny shapes and rainbow colors.
When one of the aliens hugged me, his arms felt like long slender ropes around my hands. I laughed at the strange sensation but when I tried to tell all the fun little aliens my mouth wouldn’t open.
It was about that time in my dream that my mind received the alert that something wasn’t right.
Blinking my eyes open, I saw that the room was dark. My mind was analyzing every sound and part of my body. Someone was leaning over me, and I couldn’t move my feet or hands. My shriek sounded muffled and panic ensued as I realized that something was horribly wrong.
“Shhh….”
The darkness hid the face of the person in the room, but the voice was male and deep.
Rolling me in the duvet, the large man picked me up from the bed and put me over his shoulder.
My nostrils flared as I tried to breathe with my mouth covered. Pure terror made me wriggle my body. My resistance made him tighten his grip.
