Page 41 of The Outcast
“You’re not stronger than Keith.”
I threw up my hands. “Never mind. I wanted to make you feel better, but if you want to be alone, I’ll leave.”
“Banni, what is this…” Sparrow’s hands waved back and forth between us. “Are you here because you want to protect me or because you’re falling in love with me?”
My head jerked back at the insult and I reacted on instinct. “I’m not in love with you.”
“But you want to have sex with me. I gathered that much from all that talk at dinner about separating love and sex to experiment. I told you last night that I’m in love with you. There’s no way that I can keep my feelings out of it. So why would you ask me to come and sleep in your room under the pretense that someone could hurt me?”
With frustration, I sighed. “Fine. I’m not here to pressure you, but you’re right. Of course, I want to have sex with you. I’m extremely attracted to you and I told you… If you let me, I’ll make your first time the best experience it could possibly be.”
Sparrow moved closer and lifted up on her toes enough that we were nose to nose. “Don’t you get that I’m a greedy Northlander and I want you to myself?”
I should have walked away, but my arms closed around her waist and I pulled her against me. “You don’t have to share me tonight, or tomorrow, or many nights after that.”
“Three times won’t be enough for me, Banni.”
“We’re not in Europe, I could break the rule a little.”
“And then what? What happens when this assignment ends and you go back home? What if I got pregnant like Belle?”
I leaned my forehead against hers. “I don’t want to think about that. I’m so hard for you that my pants are about to burst.”
“Tell me it’s not just sex.”
I pressed my lips together. She was asking me to go to a place that was dangerous and forbidden. “I like you… a lot.”
“But are you in love with me?”
Her question made me flinch a little. If a French woman had said those words to me, she would have meant them as an accusation. I had to remember that with Sparrow words of love had a different meaning. She didn’t see love as a bad thing. She craved it, and even though my feelings for her were stronger than anything I’d ever experienced, I wouldn’t lead her on and make promises I couldn’t keep. “We French don’t fall in love and before you tell me again that Belle is French, remember that what happened between Belle and Mason was extraordinary. It cost her everything. She had to leave her friends, her home, and her work.”
“And you wouldn’t be willing to do the same for me?” Sparrow’s large brown eyes were looking deep into mine.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” Her lips touched mine and a moan of suppressed desire sounded from me. Closing my eyes, I raked a hand through her hair and kissed her with passion.
It was an explosion of desire between us. All day I had thought about everything that happened between us when Aubri left that night. I was fueled with extreme desire for her and now that I’d released it, I could hardly contain myself. Greedy, I conquered her mouth with my tongue and let my hands run down to her behind, lifting her onto my waist.
Sparrow kissed me back with an appetite that made me crave her even more. I wanted her to love every kiss I gave her. Her experience mattered more than my own.
“Why not?” she repeated but I no longer remembered our conversation. All I could focus on was my desire for this amazing woman.
“Why couldn’t we have what Belle and Mason have?”
Her question sobered me. Breaking off the kiss, I felt my heart sink. “Sparrow, please.”
“Why?” she asked again and this time it sounded like a plea.
Setting her down, I pulled back and told her what needed to be said: “Because I could never commit to one woman. It’s against my nature.”
Sparrow was silent with her eyes downturned and when she spoke her voice sounded thin and brittle. “That’s a shame. Of all the men in the world, I would have chosen to share my life with you.”
Her words knocked the breath out of me. Raising her chin with my hand, I looked deep into her eyes. “How can you say that? I’m not special, Sparrow. There are many men smarter and better-looking than me.”
Tears formed in her large, dark, expressive eyes. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“What?”
