Page 9 of Meet Me Halfway
His words hit hard. It couldn’t possibly have hurt more even if he’d sliced me open with a knife. And I have no one to blame for this than myself.
“Cal, hear me o–”
He cuts me off. “And where is Fay tonight? She leave you to ‘deal’ with me on your own, did she?”
I hold out a supplicating hand. I don’t want to get into it with him. If this degenerates into a knockdown, drag out, I have no chance of getting him to listen, tohearme.
“Please, will you hear me out? Give me an opportunity to talk to you about this?” His expression of incredulity speaks volumes. Before he can make a sarcastic or cutting remark, I continue. “Please? Listen to what I have to say before you make any decisions?”
I’m not above begging if that’s what it takes to get him to listen to me. After long, agonising minutes when I think he’s not going to answer me, he finally nods. Wordlessly, he paces away from me to stand at the window. His back is to me, his posture stiff. He stares out into the garden for what feels like forever before eventually turning to face me.
I haven’t said a word, waiting for him to face me before I present my case. I want to be able to look in his eyes, see his expression while I speak. Again, I clear my throat nervously. If I have any hope of convincing Cal to consider what I’m about to suggest, I have one chance to state my case.
Rubbing my palms up and down my thighs, I send up another silent prayer. “Can I ask you something?”
Cal opens his mouth to speak, seems to change his mind, and closes it again. Then he simple nods and says, “Fine. Go ahead.”
Vivienne
“Iknow a threesome was something we’d spoken about on a number of occasions, but what made you decide to finally go ahead with it?” This question has churned through my brain a million times, in a million ways.
My question seems to catch him off guard, as if that’s not what he’d expected to come out of my mouth.
He shrugs. “I guess I thought it would be fun. I never once imagined it would lead to this clusterfuck. I thought these past few months we’d just been having fun.”
“We were. In the beginning. Somehow, along the way, I developed feelings for Fay. I fought against it. But in the end, I was helpless to prevent myself from falling.” I pause a second to gage his reaction before I continue. “I have another question.”
He sighs and makes a go-ahead gesture with his hand but doesn’t say anything. For a second I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, but then I contemplate a life without Fay in it and bleak is the only thing that comes to mind. It would be a bleak one without her. On the flip side of that coin, however, a life without Cal in it is simply unthinkable.
Blinking back tears, I gently take one of his hands in mine and lead him over to the sofa. Dragging him down beside me, I look into his magnificent aquamarine eyes and steel myself. “I have loved you from the day I met you. You own me, heart and soul. I can’t tell you why it happened, why I fell in love with Fay, but there’s something in her that calls to me.”
He tugs on his hand, but I don’t let go. Can’t let go. I know if I release his hand, I will lose him for sure. It’s a sure sign he’s pulling away – not just physically, but emotionally too.
“But see, here’s the thing. I don’t love you any less because of my love for her. I’ve not fallen out of love with you – not even one little bit. I know a lot of people don’t believe it’s possible to be committed to two people at the same time. But I’m telling you, it one hundred percent is, because that’s exactly how I feel.” Cal stills at my words.
I almost hear the cogs in his brain turning as he weighs up my words. After long minutes of uncomfortable silence, he finally says, “So what you’re telling me is you’re in love with both of us?”
I can hear the edge of scepticism.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. So, my question for you is, do you think there is any possibility of us finding a way to invite her into our marriage and be together, the three of us, in a committed relationship?”
And there it is. The elephant in the room I’ve been gracelessly dancing around. The words are finally out, but I can’t say I feel relieved at having said them.
Cal pulls against my hold on his hand again, and this time I let him. I watch as he paces back to the window, and then back and forth in front of it. Momentarily, I have the thought that I’d love to be privy tohisthoughts. But then I decide that, maybe, I might, in fact, not want to be. God alone knows what’s going on in that mind of his.
Time trickles by slower than trying to run through ankle-high mud.
He stops pacing and is simply staring out the window. I doubt he sees the gorgeous garden beyond that he and I have nurtured from raw soil. That he’s chewing on the side of his thumb nail is a sure sign he’s mulling things over.
Just when I’m about ready to give up, he turns to face me, his expression carefully blank. My heart sinks. Cal has an expressive face in general. You can usually tell what he’s thinking by the look on his face or in his eyes. Right now, nothing. And I’m sure it means nothing good for us and our marriage.
Finally, he breaks the silence. “My turn to ask a question.”
I swallow past the lump that has returned. “Sure, anything.”
“If I told you I couldn’t see my way clear to opening up our home and my heart to Fay, would you leave me?”
No matter how hard he’s trying, the bleakness in his gaze cannot be missed.
