Page 48 of Tangled Hearts
“A small plane. Henry got it organized for him. Kid is over the moon excited,” Julian says, grinning. “I’ve heard so many facts about planes that I’m convinced I could fly one at this point.”
That gets a laugh out of me. “I’m not far behind,” I say, taking another bite.
Eli looks at me through his lashes, his expression hopeful. “So you’ve heard all about the planes too?”
My heart thrums. He’s reaching for me. Trying to find me in the spaces where I’ve pulled away from him. Fuck, I want to reach back. I work hard to keep my voice neutral. “Yeah.”
Eli shrinks into himself and turns back to his food.
Fuck, I’m such a goddamn asshole.
The conversation goes on around us. I think I do an okay job of keeping up. Smiling in the right places. Saying the right things. But Eliis quiet. He hasn’t said a word. He’s disappearing into himself, and it’s all my fault.
Eli sits back quickly, methodically placing his fork on the table next to his uneaten plate of food. Silence falls in the room. “You okay?” Julian asks.
Eli nods, standing up. “I’m tired. Can I go lie down in your bed?”
Julian and Holden share a glance. “Of course,” Holden answers. “Do you want me to come with you?”
Eli shakes his head, dropping his eyes. “No. I’m okay.” He glances at me. “Let me know when you’re ready to go.”
He takes a step away from me, and I stand. To do what, I don’t know. Chase after him? Apologize? Fix my mistakes? I sit back down. Holden is staring after Eli, but Julian is looking at me—eyes narrow. Suspicious. And the paranoia and guilt twist my stomach more, making the food I’ve eaten threaten to come back up.
Holden finally pulls his gaze from the empty doorway to look at me. “You know you’re always welcome here, right? I’d never turn you away, and I love the time we get to spend together.”
“Of course,” I choke out.
“Good. So when I say this, know it’s not that I don’t want you here.” He sighs, sadness flashing in his eyes. “Please take him home. I think he needs the comfort of his own things. Don’t you dare tell him I said this, but make sure he has Kassie tonight. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up having nightmares. If it happens, he’ll be okay. It can be terrifying, but he never remembers them when he wakes up. Just leave him alone, and he’ll get through it.”
I blink at Holden a few times. Nightmares? Are theysurehe doesn’t remember them? How would they even know? Something sharp and hot fills my heart. Anger, I think, atthem,for just… what? Assuming? Idon’t even know if they are, but something about letting Eli suffer on his own doesn’t sit right with me.
I stand up, leaving my plate on the table, and walk briskly to Holden and Julian’s room. I tap on the door, and the lack of response has my nerves ratcheting up, so I push it open and step into the quiet room.
Eli looks tiny in Holden and Julian’s bed. But more than that, he looks defeated. “Come on, little doll. Let’s go home.”
Eli pops up, glaring at me, and I want to suck the words back inside. I have no right to call him that. None. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and walks right past me.
I’m still reeling when I hear him tell Holden and Julian goodbye. I force my feet to move and do the same, hugging my brother and Julian before following Eli out the door.
He’s quiet the entire drive home, staring out the window. I’m tempted to fill the silence, but I don’t actually know what to say. His mood is so somber—a sharp contrast to the lively and bubbly version of him I’d been lucky enough to see the last couple of days.
When we get home, he walks past a sleeping Kassie, patting her on the head. Like she senses his distress, she jumps up, following him to his room. The door shutting behind the two of them may as well be a gunshot, fracturing my psyche and making my heart hurt.
I pick up a little, if for no other reason than I want Eli to wake up to a clean house, and then I go to bed.
This is the first night in three days that I haven’t had Eli’s warmth seeping into my body, the first night that I haven’t carried him to bed. I hate every single thing about it.
For the first time since I moved in with Eli, I type a message to Silas.
Me
I fucked up. I really actually fucked up. I don’t know what to do. I wish I didn’t hate you so fucking badly. I’d love to be able to talk to you again. You fucking ruined everything.
My eyes burn.
I backspace the message, then start again.
Me
