Page 51 of The Murder Between Us
“Katie—”
“Dad.” She waved him off. “I thought you were sad and unhappy because of Mom being angry all the time. I used to get so mad at her for yelling at you.”
“She was angry because she wasn’t happy, either. She was married to a man who—” He blanched. “Who couldn’t love her the way she deserved. That’s not her fault.”
Katie said nothing. She turned her hand over in his hold and laid her palm against his.
He squeezed her hand so fucking hard she winced. “I’m sorry, Katie,” he whispered. “I’m sorry about this morning. I’m sorry about last night. I wasnotgetting rid of you to have sex.” Even saying it was shredding him from the inside.There goes custody when Lilly hears about this. “After yesterday, and John, and the crime scene—” He stopped. Closed his eyes. “I just wanted a tiny piece of happiness. I was being selfish.”
She stared at him, still biting her lower lip.
“I invited him over, and itwasn’tfor sex. That wasn’t my intention. I like him, K-Bear, a lot, and I wanted to spend time with him. But things just…”
She rolled her eyes. “Dad, they teach us this in school. Things happen. One thing leads to another.” She waved her free hand, gesturing at nothing. “That’s why you’re supposed to make better choices, blah blah.”
“Well, you can think of me as a perfect example of that.” He scrubbed his hand over his face as his cheeks burned. Jesus, would the mortification never end? “I’m so embarrassed. I’m so ashamed of myself.”
“Why?”
“You caught me having sex—”
“Caught you after you had sex.”
“Close enough. I’m your father. You caught me with Cole. I had no idea you were coming home.”
“I mean, that was the point.” She tugged on her sweatshirt sleeves. “I wanted to surprise you. I thought we could have pancakes.” She shrugged. Frowned. “Are you ashamed of being gay? Or of him?”
How the hell was he supposed to answer that? Noah took a breath, tried to speak. Stopped. Exhaled. Tried again. Failed.
Katie stared.
“I’m not ashamed of Cole. I’m not ashamed of how I feel about him, or about being gay. I am ashamed that you found out the way you did. I’d hoped that you’d be in college before you found out.”
“That’sbullshit, Dad!”
“Katie!”
“Really? You’re going to get mad at me for cursing?Today?” Her head wove back and forth in that way unique to teen girls. He never understood how they did that. “Itisbullshit, and that pisses me off!” she said, her voice rising. “Why would you want to keep something like this from me?
“That’s not what I was—”
“That’s exactly what you were doing! You think I wouldn’t want to know? Don’t you think I want to see you happy?”
He blinked.
“I thought you were miserable because of the divorce! I thought Mom ripped out your heart and you were so fucking upset you could never get over her!”
“Uh… no. Not at all.”
“How could you think you could keep something like this from me for years? Why do you think I wouldn’t want to know?”
“I saw your face downstairs, Katie, okay? I saw how you feel about it—”
“I was shocked! That’s how kids react when they see their parents having sex. You had hickeys on your chest!”
“Oh, God, don’t remind me.”
“Did you really think I’d react badly?” Her voice was still raised, almost shrill.
