Page 52 of The Murder Between Us
“K-Bear, I’m not sure I’d call this a textbook-perfect reaction.”
“I’m not sure I’d call today a textbook-perfect coming-out to your daughter, either, Dad.”
He held up his hands again, surrendering. He sighed. “You’re not exactly taking this great. And I get it. I’m not blaming you for that. I handled this horribly—”
“I’m upset because you hid this from me! You hid who you are, and you hid how you felt, and you hid who Dr. Kennedy was and what he means to you. You lied to me!”
“Katie, I wasn’t trying to lie to you.”
“But you still did.” She deflated, curling over her teddy bear. “It’s like you didn’t trust me.”
He stared at her. His voice was frozen. His teeth ground together. “I was scared,” he whispered. “I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore if you found out. I… thought I’d never see you again.”
It was her turn to go still, to blink at him with wide, tear-soaked eyes. “Dad… did you really think I’d stop loving you?”
He stiffened. It felt like she’d grabbed his heart and yanked it, still beating, from his chest. He clenched his teeth, tried to breathe through the pain. He couldn’t say the words. He nodded instead.
“Dad…”
“That’s exactly what I was afraid of. I thought you’d hate me when you found out.”
“Dad, no.” She crawled across her bed, collapsing against him. He pulled her close, burying his face in her hair as she grabbed him around the waist. “Never. Dad…”
The tears came then, for both of them. He sobbed, wailing into her hair as he held her, cradling her like she was six months old instead of sixteen years. She buried her face in his chest and wrapped both arms around his waist, her teddy bear squished between them, her tears soaking his T-shirt. He ran his hand over her hair, pressing snot-and-tear-soaked kisses to her crown, her temple, the sides of her wet face. He apologized, told her he loved her, told her he was so, so sorry.
They ended up sitting side by side, holding hands, Katie’s teddy bear balanced on their legs. “I never want to lose you, K-Bear,” he said, his voice hoarse. “And I was scared I would. I never wanted to meet anyone because I was too terrified I’d lose you.”
“Don’t be stupid.” She sniffed. “I’m not homophobic or anything. I mean, I know, like, four gay people on the football team alone. And one of the cheerleaders is a lesbian. It’s really,reallynot that big a deal anymore. Only you old people act like it’s the end of the world to be gay.” She rolled her eyes. Squeezed his hand. “I want you to be happy. Don’t not do things because of me, God…”
She went quiet. He could see her thinking. “Dr. Kennedy must be pretty special, then? If you weren’t meeting anyone ’cause of me, but…”
“Yeah. He’s really special, K-Bear. I think… I think I could be happy with him.”
She smiled, faintly. “He’s kind of cool. I mean, he had that awesome story about catching that serial killer.”
“That was gross.”
“It was awesome. He’s super smart. Smarter than you.” She nudged his shoulder.
“He is definitely smarter than I am.”
Katie bit her lip. “Could I, like, actually meet him? Get to know him, kinda? If you and he are going to, you know, date, or whatever, then I think I should know him, right?”
He had two equal reactions to her questions, opposite forces trying to tear him apart. He pushed one down as ruthlessly as he could. “You want to give him your seal of approval?” He tried to smile.
“Who else is going to look out for you? I have to give him the big speech, right? The one you’re going to give to all my boyfriends? I have to tell him to treat you right or I’ll cut him up and bury him in the cornfield.”
Noah laughed, and at the same time, his heart, so fragile, so broken already, cracked again. What were he and Cole? Were they dating? What was two perfect nights and a handful of fumbling days?
He focused back on Katie. “Allyour boyfriends? How many boyfriends have you had, miss?”
She gave him another look. “None, Dad. I’m not dating anyone.”
“Not even Trevor?”
“Ew, no. Definitely not Trevor. He’s an idiot.”
“You’re right about that. He is an idiot. And an asshole.” She shook her head, rolling her eyes and smiling at the same time. He took a deep breath. “This is the day for mortifying and embarrassing conversations, so I’m just going to blunder right into this next topic. K-Bear, have you had sex yet?” He squeezed his eyes closed and scrunched up his face. “If you have, then let’s talk about how to be safe—”
