Page 62 of Splintered
Evan slid the ring down his finger. It was a perfect fit.
Ben did the same for Evan, sliding the ring on, and they kissed again, kissed until they were giddy, kissed until Ben’s watch chimed that their visiting hours were almost over. They walked back hand in hand, still as high as the moon, beaming smiles stretching both of their faces.
“Your old boss Hollister reached out to me. He wanted to know how you were. Wanted to know if you wanted to meet up for coffee after you were home.”
“Oh yeah?” Evan pursed his lips, thought it through. “Maybe. I’ll think about it. I like my life simple right now. I’m not sure if I want to get back into sales. Or if I want to do something entirely different. Maybe I’ll get into personal training.” He squeezed Ben’s hand. “We wanted kids, too. If things go well, and if I’m doing all right in a year, maybe I can stay at home. Raise our kids.”
Ben’s heart nearly burst, aching with the love he had for this man. This, this was the Evan he’d fallen in love with.I’m so glad I never gave up on this love.
“My teaching contract in San Francisco is only for one year. I took it to be close to you here. When this year is done…” Ben smiled. “We’refree. We can go anywhere. Do anything.”
History, and the past, and everything that had held them back, was gone. Exorcised. Burned to ash and dust.
“I like the sound of that.” Evan kissed the back of his hand. “Freedom.”
They said their goodbyes in the courtyard after Evan checked in with the nurse, trading kisses back and forth and holding hands. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning for breakfast. And then your parents and I are coming for lunch and staying for the afternoon.”
Evan smiled.
Donna and William came to visit their son during the day while Ben was teaching, as well as on the weekends. They wanted Ben and Evan to have their time together, they’d said once. Ben invited them to join him as often as they could. “We’re family,” he’d repeated back to them. “We’re all in this together.”
“You’ll be back for Mass, too?” There was hope in Evan’s eyes, a happy, gentle hope.
Ben kissed him on the lips. “I always am. For you.”
“Thank you,” Evan whispered. He held Ben’s hands as he walked backward until their hands pulled apart. He blew a kiss, and then another. “See you tomorrow, babe.”
“See you tomorrow.” Ben winked. “Fiancé.”
Ben shoved his hands in his pockets and walked to the parking lot. His thoughts, as always, tumbled through him, chains of events,whysandhowsand the meaning behind things. What was true?
Their love was true. Always, he came back to that.
Father Mathew waited by his car under the branch of a redwood near the gravel trails. He smiled and waved, leaning against the trunk. His hair was a little whiter, his face a little more lined. “Hello Ben. How are you?”
“Doing great.” He held up his hand and showed off his new ring. “Evan popped the question today.”
“Congratulations.” Father Mathew pulled him in for a hug, gripped his shoulders and beamed. “I am happy for you both. This is how it is supposed to be. Love, just love.” He dropped his hands and stared at Ben, studied him. “How are youreallydoing?”
Ben took a minute to respond, turning over his thoughts, his feelings, exploring their weight, their undersides in the darkness. “I’m good,” he finally said. “I’m at peace.”
“That is all anyone can ever ask for, is it not?” Father Mathew smiled again. “I think of you often. Humans cannot face what you faced and come out unchanged. When you truly see the face of evil and when you stand up to it, and when you battle it, when you wrestle with it. That experience changes you deeply. And when you defeat evil with love, you prove what kind of soul you carry.”
“Ihavechanged. I think I’m still learning how.” He was untethered now. Sometimes he thought he should feel adrift, anchorless, lost without his history. The ties he held to his past. His home, his teaching job in his old town.
Instead, all he felt was freedom. There was a lightness now, like some weight had been lifted from him. Taken off him or out of him. Things that once mattered so much didn’t matter at all anymore.
He knew now what mattered most: Evan. Their family.
And most of all, their future.
Father Mathew squeezed his arm. “In Genesis, after Adam eats of the tree of knowledge, God laments, ‘See, now man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil.’ Our original sin isnotour rebellion. It’s that we weren’tready. We weren’t ready for the burdens that came with knowing. Because to truly know good and evil is a terrible thing.”
“How do we live with it then? How do we go on, knowing what we know?”
“You and Evan have already found your way. Cling to that.” Father Mathew pushed off his trunk and headed toward the hospital.
Ben watched him stride away. “Father,” he called, waiting for Father Mathew to turn back. “Did you fail an exorcism in Italy?”
