Page 61 of Splintered
They finally pulled apart in the courtyard of UCSF’s hospital. Ben kissed him, smiling, and took Evan’s hand. “Want to walk?”
“’Course.”
They set out, walking the path through the garden and into a small copse of woods on the hospital property. It was tranquil, a carved bit of silence and peace, almost like the city wasn’t just a few hundred yards away.
“Only six more days.” Evan swung their hands, sighing happily. “I’m already packed.”
Ben laughed. “Your parents are counting the minutes, I think.”
After six months, it was time for Evan to come home. He’d been given a clean bill of health and he was being discharged. He only had a week left, a week of planning and preparation for transitioning to post-inpatient life. He would be in step-down care, in an intensive outpatient program for several months. Check-ins weekly with Dr. Kao and Father Mathew, and at the hospital. Medication management.
But he was back.
A combination of psychiatric and psychological care, medications, blessings, prayers, and spiritual counseling had brought Evan back to life. The official diagnosis, according to his charts, was depressive psychosis.
The psychosis had passed, and so had the depression.
“What do you want to do when you’re out?”
Evan stared at him. He grinned.
“I meanafterthat.” Ben winked. Six months had been a long time. But against the future of forever with Evan, it was nothing he wasn’t willing to wait for. “’Cause of course that’s first.”
He already had a hotel booked in Napa, a quiet suite overlooking the countryside near one of their favorite Sunday escape spots fromBefore. He was going to spend days with Evan, relearning his body and letting Evan relearn his. Turn themselves back into lovers. He couldn’t wait.
Sighing, Evan’s smile slipped, and he chewed his bottom lip as they wound their way into the woods. “After that… I’ve got nothing left, Ben. No career. No professional reputation. I’ve been stripped bare.”
“You’ve got everything that is worth something. You’ve got yourself. Your health. Your life. You have your family.” Ben kissed his cheek as they walked. “And you will always have us.”
Silence as they stepped through fallen pine needles and the springy forest floor. Moss clung to the sides of redwood trunks. In the grove, the sunlight barely reached them. Instead, the light was diffuse, like the trees were lit by lanterns that made the woods glow from the inside.
“Do you still have the rings?”
“I wear them every day.” Ben slipped the chain over his neck and held them out to Evan.
Evan took them. He stared at the rings in the center of his palm, a tiny smile curling his lips. “I had so many plans for how I’d ask you,” he whispered.
“You still can.”
Evan took a deep breath.
Dropped to his knees.
“After this, after I’m out of here, and after I’m back to living my life with you… there’s only one thing that I want. But, I have nothing. I can’t offer you the life I once could. I can’t offer you anything except for my love. I swear to you, there will never be a man who loves you as much as I do. I can’t ever tell you how much, how deeply, I love you. There aren’t words invented yet for how I feel about you.” He held out the rings. “All I can give you is me. Myself, just me and my love.” He swallowed hard. “Ben, will you marry me?”
Ben dropped to his knees as well. He clasped his hand over Evan’s, covering the rings. “All I’ve ever wanted was your love. Just that, and just you. OfcourseI’ll marry you.”
They hugged on the trail, Evan laughing with joy as he pulled Ben close, rocked him back and forth, until he rocked too far and they spilled to the side. Tumbling down, rolling in the pine and the moss, they giggled like children, until Evan rolled on top of Ben and the moment turned to something else.
They kissed slowly, forest scrub stuck to their hair and their fleece zip ups, their hips slowly starting to move together like old times.
Evan pulled away first, gasping softly. “If we go any further, we’ll be out here all day.”
“I think you forgot something in your proposal?” Ben grinned.
Frowning, Evan sat back. He realized a moment later and undid the chain, slid the rings off. He took Ben’s hand in his. “Marry me?” he asked again.
“Yes. It’s always been yes.”
