Page 43 of Splintered
“Evan’s been having psychological problems. Mental health issues.” He tried to keep it clinical, describing Evan’s symptoms as medically as he could. Hallucinations. Missing time. Delusions. Episodes of violent outbursts. An odd, second personality that had arisen inside of him that seemed to want to attack Evan, hurt him, and everyone around him.
As he spoke, tears fell down Donna’s cheeks, and William went ashen behind his wife.
“Evan was placed on a psychiatric hold at St. Ignatius Friday night,” Ben choked out. “He was fifty-one-fifty’d. The police said he was a danger to himself and to others. He’s been under the care of Dr. Kao in Walnut Creek, who also works at the hospital. She’s been trying to help him, but…” He shook his head. “Not much has worked so far.”
“What do they think it is?” William’s voice warbled. “Schizophrenia? A neurological disorder? A tumor?”
“They don’t know yet. His symptoms fit some of the criteria for schizophrenia but not others. They’ve run a hundred medical tests. They’ve ruled out brain disorders and neurological issues, tumors, epilepsy, infections… everything they can think of. Dr. Kao says his MRIs show a healthy brain.”
“Then why—” Donna’s words fell apart in a sob. She covered her face.
“I don’t know,” Ben whispered. “I wish, oh my God, I wish I knew. I wish I could give you answers.”
Silence strained the living room, filled the space between them all with a ticking grandfather clock and Donna’s soft crying. William stared somewhere over Ben’s shoulder, his brain putting thoughts together as his jaw clenched.
“Dr. Kao spoke to me this morning about treatment options going forward for Evan—”
“Why you?” William frowned. “Shouldn’t that be the family’s decision? Why haven’t we been called?”
“Evan designated me his medical power of attorney. But, yes, I believe this should be his family’s decision.”Am I part of his family anymore? He didn’t know the answer to that. “That’s why I am here.”
“You’re—” Donna started. She had to stop. Try again. “You’re a friend of Evan’s?”
An out. He could leave it there. He could say yes and he could leave and this could be the end.
He closed his eyes. Took a deep breath. Looked her in the eyes. “I’m his partner.”
“Business partner?”
He sniffed. The image of her shifted, went watery. A blink, and his own tears cascaded down his cheeks, rivers of fire that would scar him long past this conversation. “No, Mrs. Lombardi,” he whispered. “Evan and I are lovers. We have been for almost four years. We live together. And… he’s been the love of my life.”
Silence. Perfect, utter silence. He couldn’t hear Donna’s sobs anymore. Even the grandfather clock seemed to still, to hold its breath, waiting for the next moment. It seemed to want to halt time, to not tick, to let Ben’s words fall out of existence. To not let them splintereverythingapart.
“What?” Donna finally whispered. Her mouth hung open. “Evan isn’t…”
“Evanisgay,” Ben said. He laughed, and then buried his face in his hands. “He’s very, very gay. And we loved each other so much.” His tears spilled between his fingers, dripped from his knuckles and splattered on their floor. He’d always be here, even after they threw him out. His salt would be in their house, in the grooves of their wood. Permanent. He sat back. Let them see his tears. “He was too afraid to tell you both. He said I could never meet you. That you couldn’t handle it and that it would destroy you both. He wanted to have some kind of relationship with you, even if he couldn’t tell you the truth. He still wanted you to love him.”
William stormed out of the living room, his face crimson, expression screwed into the biggest scowl Ben had ever seen. His heart split, again.Evan, I’m so sorry.
Donna stayed frozen, her mouth trying to move, her head shaking back and forth in tiny spasms. She breathed in gasps, panicked, short breaths, and stared at the walls. Her eyes darted from picture to picture, each incarnation of Evan throughout his life.
Ben handed her the picture from the coffee table. “Easter this year, right? Evan left me at our house to come visit you. My parents are both dead, so I understood, a bit. Why he wanted to keep everything hidden.”
“Idon’tunderstand!” Donna wailed. “Idon’t!” Fury filled her eyes, furious betrayal.
It’s time to go.Ben held up his hands. “I came here to tell you about Evan and what he needs—”
“He needs his family!” Donna shouted. “He needs us to love him! All of him! How could he keep this from us? How could he keep everything from us?” Her voice rose until it shook the pictures on the walls, made a hundred Evans rumble in their frames. She screamed again, a wordless, formless cry, and then covered her mouth as her face finally fractured. Her mascara ran in thick lines down her cheeks, following the flood of her tears as she stared at Ben.
William stormed back into the living room clutching a wad of cards and photos. He still had that ugly twist to his face and his eyes were red rimmed, puffy, and bloodshot.
Ben backed up, sliding down the couch as William advanced. He held up his hands. “Please, I’ll go, I’ll just go—”
William thrust the photos and cards at Ben. “You give these to my son,” he forced out. “And you tell him to comebackto us. No matter what—” He couldn’t speak after that.
He took the stack from William, watching him warily. His gaze darted over the photos.
Pictures of Evan and William together. Evan as a child in his dad’s lap. Evan and William hiking together, camping together, canoeing together. Playing baseball and catch in the yard, T-ball and soccer, Evan four, five, and six years old. His awkward tween years, playing video games side by side with William on the carpet next to the coffee table right in front of where Ben sat. Older, high school, tossing a football back and forth in the same yard. Helping him tie his first tie, and then pinning his boutonniere on before a high school dance. Evan posing awkwardly with his female date to prom, his father beaming beside him. Graduation. Dropping Evan off at college. William the definition of a proud father, Evan smiles and excitement. Still gangly as a college freshman saying goodbye to his dad. By the next photo, college graduation, he’d become a man. The man Ben would later love.
