Page 44 of Splintered
Beneath the photos was a rubber-banded stack of cards: every Father’s Day card Evan had ever given his dad, from his “Dad’s First Father’s Day” newborn card, complete with Evan’s inked baby footprint, to the card Ben watched him sign four months ago and mail. “To my Dad, my hero,” it had said.
“My son,” William started. His voice shook. His jaw. “Nothing. Nothing in the whole world. Would make me not love my son.”
He slumped back to Donna’s side, grabbing her hand in both of his. His shoulders sagged, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.
“How could he think we would hate him?” Donna whispered. “How could he ever think we’d not love him?”
It was Ben’s turn to stare open mouthed. To shake his head nonsensically. “I don’t know,” he said carefully. “You’ll have to ask him. He always said he was scared and that he didn’t want to lose you.”
“He’ll never lose us,” William grunted. “What did we do that made him think that?”
It wasn’t a question for Ben. That was a question for himself, and for Donna.
“Umm.” Ben pulled out his phone. He had pictures of them together, smiling, happy, and in love. FromBefore. He pulled them up and held out his phone. “This is us. You can, uh, scroll. A bit. A few photos.”
Donna took it like a drowning woman would take a life raft. She and William hovered over his phone, devouring every pixel of every photo. Them hiking, them eating out. Them kissing in a selfie on an overlook. Wine tasting in Napa. Dancing together at a piano bar. Goofing off at home, being silly together. Happy.
He saw when Donna swiped too far. Her cheeks reddened and William looked down, clearing his throat. She passed his phone back. He spotted the picture before he turned his screen off: Evan naked in bed, lying on his stomach and smiling at Ben. He’d taken the photo because of the light and the way Evan had looked so perfectly amazing against the expanse of their bed. Their bottle of lube was right there on the nightstand. Their clothes were scattered on the floor. Obviously, sex had been had.
“You look very much in love,” she said. “He looks so happy.” She smiled finally, even as more tears fell. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.”
“We—” He hissed. “We have been very happy.”
“What is the plan for his illness? What’s the treatment?” William was back to all business, his voice back to serious, though he still looked like a boxer who’d been gut punched and had bawled his eyes out.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I want to relinquish the medical power of attorney. If I decline, then the doctor says that you guys will make the decisions for Evan.”
“Why don’t you want to do it?” Donna frowned. “You’re his partner.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“You have to make the best decisions for our son,” William said. “If you love him, then that should be easy. This shouldn’t be difficult.” His scowl was back, assessing Ben suddenly in a whole new way. He hadn’t thought of William as a father-in-law, but now—
Ben’s stomach clenched.
“Idolove him. I love him more than I can say. More than he’ll ever know. But…” Ben sighed. “His doctor and his therapist, a priest, are recommending a treatment that I just can’t understand. And his doctor says it’s what Evan wants, too.”
“What is it?”
He looked into William’s eyes. “An exorcism.”
William exhaled as his eyes closed. Donna crossed herself, and they both whispered prayers, Hail Marys and the Lord’s Prayer. He heard their whispers asking for strength and deliverance, and for deliverance of Evan’s soul.
William moved next to Ben on the couch. He reached for Ben’s uncasted hand and clasped it between his two aged palms. His gnarled knuckles cradled Ben’s slender fingers. “Tell me,” he said, his voice shaking, “why Evan’s doctor and priest want to perform an exorcism on my son.”
He told them. Everything. It all came out in a rush, a jumble of words that seemed to speed up and up as if he couldn’t fit everything that had happened in one lifetime. He thought he sounded crazy, thought he sounded like someone on the sidewalk screaming about ghosts and demons and the end of the world. But he’d lived this with Evan.
And none of it made sense.
Was there really a demon inside Evan? Or was he just hoping there was, because banishing a demon was an easier solution than accepting the hard truth that healing Evan would take time, so much time, and intensive care. Wouldn’t it be nicer if they could just rip a demon out and life would return to normal?
He felt the seduction of the exorcism, even as he tried to fight it.
“What do you guys think?” he asked, his voice hoarse after talking for over an hour. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I just want to make the right choice for him.”
“With all of that… I can understand why Father Mathew and Dr. Kao want to perform the ritual,” William breathed. He nodded. “I can. Lord have mercy.”
“Do you think it’s the right choice?”
