Page 25 of Ex- Factor
“Exactly.” I sank lower into the couch. “I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to make her into some kind of emotional life raft. That’s not fair to her.”
“You’re already ahead of most men by asking that question.” He folded his hands. “So let’s go deeper. You said she makes you feel seen. Who didn’t see you? Your mother, your father?”
I flinched. It was always that part of therapy—the part where we stop talking about now and dig into back then.
“No. I don’t want to talk about them yet. Not when talking about her. But I did realize… that it was them. Not me.” I exhaled. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I was too young to be blamed for anything.”
Dr. Bailey smiled. “You’re trying to do my job now.” He chuckled and leaned back again. “But seriously, that’s progress. You’re seeing the origin of the void you say you feel. Now you’re scared Eshe is filling it. Maybe she is. It doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real. It just means you need to keep checking yourself to make sure you’re loving her for who she is, not what she gives you.”
I sat with that. Let it settle. Then nodded slowly.
“Got it.”
“Good. So,” he said, clicking his pen closed, “what are you going to do next with your day? Meeting with Cassius? Your baby momma?”
I grinned. “I got another question for you before I go that’ll determine my answer.”
He gave me a look.
“It’s about Eshe’s Ex,” I said. “Would it be healthy if I go knock on his door and just have a man-to-man with him… fist-a-cuff style?”
Dr. Bailey laughed, shaking his head. “Get out of my office, Silas.”
Chapter Fourteen- Silas
“When we get in this store,” Eshe said, pointing a perfectly manicured finger at me, “don’t get anything that’s not on the list. No childish behavior from you today.”
I pressed a kiss to her forehead, grinning. “I’ve got grown-up money of my own though, so I can buy it if I want to.”
She rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. We were grocery shopping for the weekend—I’d finally convinced her to visit my place for a few days and we needed real food. Well, she said real food. I just wanted snacks.
The second we turned down the cereal aisle, my heart sped up.
Charmaine was in the exact same aisle in a black hoodie, chunky rings on every finger, her hair had grown out into a head full of thick natural curls. She spotted me before I could pivot and backtrack. It had been months since I’d last seen her. But she had called me a few times, trying to tempt me with her vagina.
“Oh Jesus, be a fence,” I muttered, stealing one of Eshe’s lines, while grabbing the biggest box of cereal I could find and trying to hide behind it.
Eshe grabbed my arm. “What are you doing, Silas?”
I snatched away. “Unhand me, woman. I’m trying to hide.”
Charmaine’s voice cut down the aisle before Eshe could respond. “Silas?”
I sighed and lowered the box. “Hey, Charmaine.”
She walked up. She looked me up and down, then looked at Eshe. “This your new girlfriend?”
Eshe smiled and said, “No.”
“Yes,” I said at the exact same time.
Charmaine smirked. “That’s different. I know you just met her from Instagram, but you are already calling her your girlfriend. I was with you almost a year and you kept saying we were just vibing.”
I winced. “I blocked you on Instagram.”
Eshe looked unbothered, like she was watching a rerun of some TV show. It was almost insulting.
“Angel didn’t. We’re still friends.”
