Page 95 of Playing For Keeps
I gape at him. “Seriously? You’re taking responsibility for how I’ve been acting for the last week?”
He scoots off the bed and grabs a blanket off the back of a chair that sits in the corner of our room. Then he comes back to me and drapes it around my shoulders.
“Dori, I want to take care of you. If you’ve been upset over the last week, it’s my responsibility to be there for you tolean on. How I went about tonight was poor timing and lands on me.”
“And me calling Hunter today… Does that land on you too?”
Jami stands before me, running his palm down his face. He analyzes me for a moment then glances away.
I push harder. “When we started messing around, I asked you if you trusted me. The way you answered was like you knew in the back of your mind I would hurt you.”
His head whips back to me. “I said I trusted you with everything in me.”
“And then you added ‘please don’t break me’ like you’re waiting for it to happen.”
There’s a moment of silence as we spin in confusion. I want to be with him and love him more than anything, but what am I contributing to the relationship? Because I feel off, I’m taking it out on him and bringing him down.
He sits beside me and places his hand on my knee. “I’m not waiting for you to leave me, but I get scared just like you do.”
“How so?”
‘Earlier, you told me you don’t want to live like this and then proceeded to tell me you talked with Hunter, and you’re going to Denver tomorrow. It stung, and my insecurities showed themselves.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“That a life with me isn’t what you want after all. I worry I’m not enough for you. I’m scared you don’t want what I want. You’ve been struggling, and I haven't been as present with you as I should be. I fear I’m letting you down.”
“You’re more than enough for me, and I’ll want a life with you until the day I die. My feelings have nothing to do with you.” My chest grows heavy. “I just need to fix things with Aiden and find a job. I don’t want to become my mother.”
“Is that what your sadness is about?” He peers into my eyes as he runs his thumb over my knee.
“Yes. I’m turning into her.”
“That’s not possible.”
“It is. I’m living off your support, and I’m doing things like calling my ex-boyfriend because I’m lonely and need someone to stroke my ego. My brother has cut ties with me, and I have nothing to show for myself. If that doesn’t sound like my mother, what does?”
“I didn’t know you were feeling like this.”
I push off the bed, wrapping the blanket around me. “How could you? I’ve been shoving it down and ignoring it.”
He narrows his eyes. “Are you still going to therapy?”
My cheeks heat. “Yes, but I’ve canceled the last two times.”
“So you haven’t talked to anyone about this for at least two weeks? You went through something traumatic. Why would you cancel?”
“I don’t know. I want to go, but I don’t see what good it’s going to do.”
His brows shoot up. “How can you say that? Therapy has gotten you where you are today.”
My stomach twists. “But nobody wants to help me find Sasha, and that’s the other huge issue I keep focusing on.”
“Sasha is a minor. It’s not that people don’t want you to find her. It’s because she has rights and needs to be protected due to her age.”
I shake my head and wrap my blanket tighter. “If I can’t help her and the other parts of my life are broken, I don’t know what good I am.”
“That’s what therapy is for, Dori.” He softens his stance. “Do you see how your old habits of running from things and ignoring them are creeping back into your life?”
