Page 94 of Playing For Keeps
Fuck. I know better than to push someone right after a session like that.
It’s a sensitive time for both partners. Stagnant and painful memories can surface as the muscles and tissue work to release toxins from the body. It can be overwhelming and confusing.
I pull her into my chest and rock her in my arms. “I’m sorry. You did nothing wrong. I’m just concerned that I hurt you.”
“But you didn’t.” She snuggles into me, crawling into my lap. “Will you ever trust me?”
“Of course I trust you.” I kiss the top of her head while caressing her arm with my fingertips.
“How can you trust me when I don’t trust myself?”
“Why do you feel that way about yourself?” I shift to release the tightness in my stomach.
Maybe she wasn’t ready for this kind of sexual play. I allow her a moment of silence so she can identify her emotions and share them with me.
“What if Aiden was right and our relationship isn’t strong enough to last?”
With her words, my greatest fear surfaces. Will I ever have a family of my own with her, or will she leave me?
After all, she’s going to Denver tomorrow. What if Aiden convinces her that her temporary sadness is because she’s here with me, and she doesn’t come back?
CHAPTER 22
DORI
Jami says nothing,but his heart beats harder against my cheek. I don’t know where my doubt is coming from.
I push back just enough to see his eyes. “What if something happens and our relationship gets stripped away? What if I do something to sabotage us?”
“Why are you thinking this way?” His eyes bore into mine, confusion filling them to the brim. “Does this have to do with you feeling like I’m not making you a priority?”
“No. I’m just terrified I’m going to lose you. What have I done other than cause you pain? I did it all last year, and I’m at it again.”
“How are you doing it now?”
“Just look at me Jami. You shared something incredibly intimate with me that’s supposed to bring us closer. And you know what popped into my head when you made the comment about the marks on my back?”
His brow furrows. “That I was too rough with you and didn’t care for you like I should have?”
“No.” I sit back on my knees so we’re eye to eye. “I wondered how many other women you’ve done this with. How did you know the bruises meant the rope was too tight? Iwanted to ask you where you learned it. You had a life before me, and in a flash, I wanted to hurt you because I don’t want to know you’ve been with anyone but me.”
“Okay, but you’re talking through it, just like your therapist asks you to do.”
“But it’s unfair for me to feel this way. I hurt you every time I went off with some other guy. And Hunter had to be the worst one because you were forced to work with him every day.”
“Dori, take a moment and check to see if you need to take your anxiety medication.”
I check in with myself. My therapist warned me of sudden mood shifts and explained I could spiral if I don’t work through my anxiety, so I asked Jami to point it out to me if he suspected it was happening.
My therapist prescribed medication to help me if my emotions get overwhelming. Jami’s reminder of that brings me down a level.
I take a deep breath. “It’s okay. I don’t think I need to take anything.”
“Okay. Just remember you have them if you need.”
“I know.”
“Dori, the feelings you’re experiencing are valid. Deep emotions can surface after a session like that, so maybe the timing wasn’t right.” His wary gaze scans my body. “You know what? I fucked up. You were upset today, and I thought this would bring us closer. It was my mistake.”
