Page 53 of Clean Sweep
When the cold drove me back inside, I headed to the fireplace and stoked a low bed of coals back to life. The snapping fire crackled again, the flames putting me into a trance, when my phone gave a little trill.
I grabbed it from my pocket as I shook out of my mesmerized stare. My heart hiccuped at the sight of Tanner’s name. I couldn’t answer it fast enough.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
He said it so easily, with eagerness to chat, I hoped. As if he weren’t scared to call me, the way I was scared to call him. It had taken me almost an hour to muster the courage to tell him about Starla’s visit. Once I had told him, I’d instantly felt better.
Dahlia was a fantastic sounding board at work, but she didn’t have the same life experience as Tanner. She didn’t know what it was to love and lose at a decades-long level. To scrape and change and sacrifice years of youth and sleep for children that you didn’t ever stop worrying about.
Tanner, though.
Tanner got it.
“I wasn’t sure if I’d hear from you tonight.” The poker clanged as I set it down, accidentally hitting the fireplace.
“Is this a bad time?” he asked.
“No,” I said quickly. “No, not at all. I didn’t mean that to sound the way it did. I . . . I’m excited to hear from you. I just . . . I guess I don’t know why I doubted.”
Because inside I’m a twelve year old girl that just wants you to like me,I silently added as I clenched my eyes shut and let out a silent breath. Really, I needed to get this crush back under control.
“Good,” he murmured. “I wanted you to know I saw Landon again yesterday. Brief check-in with him. He needed help finding a new apartment so I set him up with a friend of mine. She’s a sweet old lady that lives in the apartment next door in case they need anything, you know. He’ll move next week.”
“Oh.” My voice lifted. I cleared it to hide the shock there. Landon was moving? But why? And why did the old lady have anything to do with it? “Thanks for helping him.”
“No problem. He seems good. I’ve been thinking about your visit with Starla and Landon and . . . you know? I think it’ll work out. Whenever you get the whole picture, it’s going to be fine.”
Something in his tone set my hair on edge.Whenever you get the whole picture.What did he know? Was he not telling me everything? Before I could ask—and maybe I wouldn’t have even done that—he kept going.
“But that’s not why I called.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“I wanted to ask you how you stand the quiet.”
My eyebrows rose. Intrigued by the question, I lowered onto the couch. “What do you mean?”
“The quiet house. You have one kid left, just like me. I’m assuming that Blake is gone as much as Celeste manages to be. She’s with some friends right now,” he added as an aside. “Yesterday night she did homework over video chat and I had the evening to myself. Same as tonight. It’s too quiet when she’s gone. You must grapple with the same thing?”
I drew in a deep breath. Several answers streamed through my mind all at once.
“I spent years craving the quiet,” I said softly. “Four boys, a busy husband, and chaos all around me. There were times it felt like I had no escape from the noise and emotions of others. And now . . .” I trailed away, unable to articulate the jumble of emotions warring in my chest. “I don’t know.”
“Does it drive you crazy?”
“Sometimes. I think it’s more the absence of what used to be.”
“Huh.”
“You never had that level of crazy though, did you, with one child?”
“Not that four boys would create,” he said, laughing.
The easy roll of his amusement sent a thrill through me. I couldn’t help but wonder if it would sound more resonant in person. His voice had such a calm way of unwinding, like someone who constantly spun a story. He often seemed unconcerned.
Was there anything that truly ruffled this guy?
