Page 52 of Clean Sweep
My hands itched to call her, but I held them back. No, this wouldn’t be the right time to hear her voice. Besides, we’d already spoken today. She called me. What would I even say to her?
So much. I would sayso muchto her.
Just to hold myself accountable, I grabbed my dirty dishes, walked into the kitchen, set my phone on the charger, and walked upstairs to take a nap.
Instead, I’d call her tomorrow and the next day. And the next. Just because I wanted to. Maybe I wouldn’t ask her on a date yet, but I would talk to her. Talking to her on the phone might allay the driving need to be part of her world. Then I wouldn’t entirely tip mine upside down, wreck the stasis I’d maintained for years, and throw it all into chaos.
Or so I told myself.
Tomorrow, I promised as I dropped onto my bed.I’ll call her tomorrow.
11
LESLIE
The hum of the dishwasher gave me a sense of satisfaction as I walked out of the kitchen the next day.
My phone buzzed with endless text messages from Maverick, and a couple from Lizbeth, but I ignored them for now. One week away from the Mercedy family reunion, and I’d have plenty of time to deal with crises. Christmas loomed eight days from now, and I’d just finished all my shopping.
With my life packaged into a neat bow for the time being, I wanted my garden. My dead, cold, dark garden that held no real appeal except for a mostly-false sense of escape.
I had a niggling suspicion I was about to get a phone call anyway. Tanner had been calling me most evenings. We had short, easy chats. They dove deep, and fast, and ended before it became awkward.
Yet, no date.
Nothing more.
He either flirted with a fear of dating or just needed someone to talk to. Either way, I’d take it. The smooth cadence of his voice in my ear felt like a warm bath. The sense of taking something slow came from our conversations, and helped me remember what it felt like to make a new friend.
December unfurled around me when I settled onto my swing. Frost-tinted air constricted my lungs with the cold. My breath fogged ahead of me, and the stars grew dim in a dark backdrop.
With Thanksgiving behind us and December speeding by, I let myself finally relax. For just a few minutes, I sat on my bench, closed my eyes, and released long breaths. I slouched further down the bench, canted my head back, and stared up at the dark sky.
More stars winked into sight overhead, Distant, cold, and quiet. I stared at them with a feeling of relief that they were still there. The night air pinched my cheeks and prickled the inside of my nose with each chilly breath. This was far more comfortable in the summer, when warmth unfurled instead.
My fingers tightened around my phone, which I held in my pocket.Tanner,I thought.Tanner, Tanner. Will you call today?
Questions had been populating about him for days now. What was he doing? Why did he call so much? For the past week, he’d called about this time every evening. No intention had been stated. We talked about our days and he asked questions almost too intense for a blossoming friendship.
Questions likewhat’s your opinion on financial savingsandwhere do you stand on the political spectrum?
None of the basicwhat’s your favorite color?orwhere would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?kind of stuff.
No, Tanner was a deep dive into complexities, and I loved it.
Would it be weird if I called him this time? His propensity to drive right into the heavy stuff, then back out before it became burdensome, left me equally breathless. Like when he asked,what was one night when things went really wrong with you and Ethan?
I’d spent half an hour explaining the darkest night of my marriage three years ago when I thought Ethan had been cheating on me. Tanner listened the whole time. Not a breath of advice or one-upmanship.
He listened.
How long had it been since anyone had done that?
Didnevercount?
Ethan and I had been too young to really understand how important the depths of our relationship should be. If we’d dug a little deeper, maybe we would have been more open, more vulnerable, when it mattered most. By the time itdidmatter, we were too far gone. Tanner swept that problem right out of our friendship.
Ireallyliked that.
