Page 54 of Otter Heart
Hopefully we’d get some answers and that would be one less thing for me to worry about all the time.
I spent the next half hour toweling Bessie off and blow drying her with a hairdryer. That part she seemed to enjoybecause it was nice and warm. But that didn’t stop her from shaking off a couple of times and coating my entire bathroom and myself in dog water.
By the time we were done with all that and I finally let her go, I pulled my phone out and checked it. To my surprise there was a message from Adam. With a bright smile on my face, I clicked the screen to read it out loud for me.
Adam: Sorry it took me a minute to respond. My mom is visiting and we’ve been spending some time together.
Adam: Anyway, I’m glad you texted me because I have something I needed to tell you. I’m going to be heading back home at the end of the week. I know it’s sort of sudden, but mom’s gonna let me stay at her place while I get myself all set up. I’ll probably sell the cabin and live off that for a little while as I try to figure out what to do with my life.
Adam: I just wanted to thank you for being so patient with me and being my fake/practice boyfriend. But it’s gonna have to come to an end. I need to move on and take some time to myself before I get back out there and start trying to find the right guy. I’m sure you want to get back into the dating scene too. So I guess this is goodbye.
I stood there for a long moment, my jaw hanging open in disbelief. Had Adam just broken up with me over text? Why was he leaving? Did I really mean so little to him that he could just walk away without even saying goodbye to my face?
I clicked the button, recording my message as my voice shook.
Me: You’re leaving? Why? Did something happen? Are you going to stop by and say goodbye at least?
Adam: I think it’s better if we don’t see each other again. It was fun with you… but that’s all it was. I think we both know that.
Me: So you’re not going to answer any of my questions? You’re just going to leave and never talk to me again? Just like that?
Adam: I can’t just sit around this small town and hope life happens someday. So I’m going back to where I can make stuff happen. What you and I had was fun. But we said it was just pretend. And that’s all it is, right?
There were a million things I wanted to say. I wanted to scream, to shout, to get angry, and to tell him I loved him all at the same time. I nearly did the latter but stopped myself at the last moment. My heart was already in pieces and the pain in my chest was making me feel dizzy.
Tears streamed down my face as I had the screen reader reread his messages. The more I listened to them, the more I was sure he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. And I started to wonder why I ever expected anything different. We set the rules to begin with and I was the fool for believing this could be anything more than it was. Not only that, but I knew better than to get excited about love. Guys like Adam never stuck around for disabled dudes like me. We were just too different.
Instead, I held the phone up to my lips and spoke my reply.
Me: Yep. It was all just pretend. Goodbye and good luck.
With that, I walked to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. The last thing I did before I buried my face in the pillow was cancel the ride to Bessie’s vet appointment. I’d probably need a couple of days to recover before I went out in public again.
So, I laid there, crying into my pillow and cursing my own stupidity for loving a man that had never wanted anything serious from me to begin with.
Chapter Twenty-Four: Adam
Somber didn’t describe my emotional state very well. Maybe devastated was a better word. Either way, I felt like fucking shit when I finally left to help Rowan and James move. But a promise was a promise, and I wasn’t about to back out, not when I already had bad news to share with them. Besides, there was a storm on the way and I didn’t want to leave them to move in the rain.
But while they moved into their dream home, I had to figure out how to break it to them that I was leaving for good and selling the cabin. I knew it would hurt Rowan because I was fairly certain he’d purchased his house close to the cabin on purpose so we wouldn’t be far apart once they settled in. He probably thought we were going to be some sort of little gay family or something and I was about to stomp on his dreams.
I felt like the biggest piece of shit ever. But I couldn’t force myself to stay. Not when it meant running into Mateo and Bessie wherever I went and having to relive the pain that threatened to tear my heart in two. Sure, there were plenty of guys back in the city that had broken my heart, but the chances of seeing them again were slim. Out here there was nothing to keep us apart except the hurt feelings between us.
That was the last thing I wanted to deal with.
Besides, Mom was right. There was opportunity in the city for me. I could find a better job, one that didn’t make me want to jump off a building every morning when my alarm went off. It was sensible and safe, unlike the idea to become a writer that Mateo had given me. Besides, what did he know about making it in the world as a writer? Those who can’t do, teach, right? That told me all I needed to know about Mateo and hisexpertisein books.
I shook my head as I pulled into the driveway of Rowan’s new house. Being mean to Mateo, even just inside my head, felt awful. Usually when guys made me feel bad, I imagined all sorts of ways I could cut them down with my words. But, like most everything else, when it came to Mateo, I couldn’t do things the way I always had. He’d gotten too far under my skin for me to just hate and move on. He was the sort of guy that left a scar and I’d probably never forget him even if I tried.
So instead, I focused my attention on the task at hand. Rowan and James had already filled up their rented moving truck the night before and it was sitting in the driveway now with the back gate open. The pair of them were standing on the porch, waving to me with big smiles on their faces. It was like a knife in my chest knowing that I would soon dampen their wonderful day with bad news. But that’s the kind of guy I was. I messed up everything.
Pulling the car off to the side, I took a deep breath and did everything in my power to cheer the fuck up, even if it was fake. I needed to convince Rowan and James that I was doing this because it was thesmartthing to do. Not because I was having an emotional meltdown and uprooting my life again on a whim for the second time in two months.
“Hey!” Rowan called as I stepped out of the vehicle. “You’re right on time! We just got here a couple of minutes ago!”
I furrowed my brows. “You did? I thought you packed everything up and brought it here last night?”
“We did.”
