Page 55 of Bound By Redemption
“That you didn’t get to see Remy be born or be around. Hell, you’re not even on the birth certificate, Micah. That was all I had from you, a first name.” She looked at me, pleading for me to understand where she was coming from. The thing was, I did. Always had. There was nothing else that she could’ve done. A first name nowadays got you nothing but more questions.
I grabbed her hand and clutched it to me. “All of that is in the past, Ens. And the certificate is fixable. The bracelet, I’ll do my damnedest to find.” And I would. No matter what it took, I’d search until it was located.
She sighed, squeezing my hands. “My life was so jacked up, Micah. My father is not a nice man and if he got that close to me and Remy, he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.”
The fear in her words cut me to the quick. I’d never get used to hearing terror in her voice. She would never have to feel this again. Or I’d do anything and everything to prevent it.
“Over my cold, dead body will he get you or Remy. That will not happen.”
She sniffled, pulling away briefly to rub her face with her arm, then she came back to me. “I’m so sorry this is all coming back up. Ryker doesn’t need this now, nor do anyone else. Everyone’s plate is so full as it is.”
My heart broke for her and it was time for me to let it out. Everything inside of me. She needed to hear of my past here within the Ravage MC, and I needed to give it. Let it out and release it into the world. Pulling away, I picked up all the papers from the book and piled them together, setting them on the floor by the bed.
Laying down, I pulled Ensley’s body into mine, her cheek resting on my chest. She fell into me without a question.
Time to lay it all out.
“While my childhood wasn’t like yours by any stretch of the imagination, to me mine was difficult. I was born into this club, but it’s not just a club—it’s a way of life. My mom and dad got together when my mom was a stripper at Studio X.”
She said nothing, her hand coming to rest on my chest. I covered her hand with my own, giving it a soft squeeze. I loved feeling her warmth on me.
“My father knew the moment he saw my mother that she was the one. When they had me, from what they’ve told me, they were over the moon ecstatic. My father could already see the leather on my back while I rode side by side with him on a Harley down the freeway. It would be his legacy living on to have me join the club and be a part of this brotherhood.”
I breathed in the smell of Ensley’s hair, my hand going to it and playing with the silky strands. Not having talked about all of this to anyone before, I was opening myself wide to her, letting her see all of me. Even for a man like me that shit was scary. No man wanted his woman to even for a second think they couldn’t handle their shit, but for me back then, I couldn’t. I was a fucking kid who had everything but didn’t see it.
“My parents would bring me from the moment I entered into this world to every party, get together, birthday. Anything and everything we were there at the club. My Mom has the pictures to prove it. Me sitting in a baby carrier, kicking my little feet or some of the ol’ ladies cooing over me.” I gave Ensley a squeeze, just needing her. I always gave strength to others. This time I took it from her, hoping she’d understand. “As I grew up, the kids in my school were assholes. I was picked on like crazy. I’m a nerd, Ensley. You should know that by now.”
Her body started shaking as she looked up at me, a smile spread on her face. “Now that I don’t believe.”
Returning her smile, I took the opportunity to lean down and give her a soft kiss on the lips.
“Seriously. I’ve always been a wiz when it comes to computers, electronics, games; really anything digital, and I never hid it. I can remember at age eleven, taking apart my parents' computer and putting it back together, updating all of their issues with it. It only took me a day or so to do.”
“Smarty pants, huh?” she teased, and I loved it.
“Wouldn’t go that far, but I know my shit when it comes to that world. I found my place, my calling in a world that was not my father’s. And I felt as though I needed that. I’m good at it. It’s my job, Ensley. I take on work from clients, do what they need to have done, and get paid big.” She needed to understand my job or at least what it was.
She sighed heavily, snuggling into my chest. “Good to know my kid’s dad isn’t a deadbeat.”
It was my turn to smile and give a small chuckle. “Not at all.”
“Go on,” she encouraged.
“While we came to all the club events, I never felt like I fit in. Cooper and Nox were already in the inner circle because of their father. Emery and Austyn were thick as thieves. Deke was distant. Rylynn came along and hooked up with Emery and Austyn’s crew, and then there was me. Computer geek to the max. I always felt like the odd man out, and as the years ticked by, that feeling built and built. I started trying to get out of coming to the clubhouse to no avail. So much shit was said at school between the club and my computer skills that I didn’t feel like anyone understood me. I had no real connection to them. I’d separate myself from everyone and work on my laptop or just hide somewhere, playing video games. Emery was the only one who would find me and try to bring me into the fold.”
Ensley’s body stiffened, and I gave her a squeeze. “I’ll tell you all about that one in a bit. Promise, no secrets. Stay with me.”
Only then did her body begin to settle and her hand in mine relaxed.
“My father was all about the club. It felt as if he was always gone with them and never home. At the time, my mother was having a hard time with my father being gone. At least that was what I’d seen with her crying at times when he was gone. In truth, I took her crying and only saw what I wanted to see, if that makes sense. Meaning I turned it into another thing I hated about the club. Add in my dislike for the club already, and I began to despise this club and everything it stood for. I was an outsider anyway, so what did it matter if I hated this place. I’d never become a part of it. I’d live my life away from it. Once the seed was planted inside my head that I didn’t belong here, it took root. Deep. The more outside world experience I got, the more confident I became that this life was the furthest thing from what I wanted my life to be.”
“I can see that turned out well for you,” Ensley teased, making me smile.
“Yeah. Really well. I was a little shit about it, though. Okay, a big shit about it. My mouth ran away from me, talking bad about the club and how much it took away from our family. How I hated it. How it made my mom cry at night. How they were all criminals. How they pretended to love their families, but it was all a lie. You name it, I said it and didn’t care one bit.”
“You hated it that much?” she asked, and I sighed.
“Yeah. In my eyes then, the club was taking everything away from my mother and me. I didn’t belong, and I resented everyone that did. Looking back now, I was a very misguided child and have no idea why I went on that path. To this day I can’t figure it out. Because what I failed to acknowledge was that because we attended the activities and spent so much time with the club, we were a family. I didn’t focus on the laughter like you heard last night at dinner. I didn’t focus on everyone stepping up when Emery’s mom had cancer. I didn’t focus on the time and love that Ma and Princess put into running a home with all of these crazy asses. I didn’t focus on the reason my father was gone was because his brothers needed someone at their backs, and he was there.”
