Page 40 of Bound by Wreckage
“Well that’s a great fuckin’ way to wake up,” he groans. A power I’ve never felt when it comes to sexual acts sweeps throughme. I made Nox crumble with my mouth. I’ve always hated blow jobs. Who would ever want a dick in their mouth of someone they hate.
This was completely different. I guess that’s what sex is when you actually care about someone. It’s a connection and a bond. It’s something stronger than words or actions. It reaches down into your soul and unites each of you in different ways. The harder hethrust inside of me, the deeper my body wanted him—pulled him to me, gripping him and not ever wanting to let go. If my body could’ve, it never would’ve released him. Ever.
No, I’ll never be the same, but every second with Nox is worth it.
“Let me take care of you,” he says, reaching down and grabbing my ass.
“No. This right here is what I want to remember.” I kiss his lipsand jump from the bed and run into the bathroom. The woman reflected back at me is happy and content. She’s confident and sure. This is the woman that I need to be. This is the life that I want.
I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want to allow anyone to walk all over me. I want to be strong, and I will be.
Getting ready sucks because I know this is it. He’s going to drop me off andleave. Strong, Carsyn. Or is it Ava? Fuck…
Nox is dressed by the time I come out. “Called Gunny and Sharon. They have breakfast ready for us.”
“Great.” Packing always sucks. Packing to leave a man like Nox is even worse, but I do it with a smile on my face because that’s how Nox is going to remember me. Smiling.
“Hey, you okay?” He touches my arm, turning me around.
“Yeah. Of course.”
Nox pulls me into his arms and it takes everything inside of me not to cry. Not to allow myself to cry. It’s hard. So damn hard. “Everything is gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”
He’s so confident, but he and I both know once he leaves—nothing will ever be okay because I’ll always be looking behind my back.
As if he can read my mind, he says, “He won’tfind you. The ID and paperwork are all legit. With your hair different and no makeup, no one will recognize you. Okay?”
I nod because if I talk, the tears will come.
“Stay strong and work out with Gunny and Sharon what you want to do. I know you can’t stay with them forever, but let them teach you. Gunny knows hand to hand combat and is phenomenal with a gun. Sharon is really goodwith money and living on a budget. They will teach you everything you need to know. Promise me you’ll stay with them for a while and let them teach you. And make sure you tell them where you’re going.”
“Of course.” There isn’t anywhere else for me to go, but he’s right, I won’t be with them forever. The plan is as short as possible because I don’t want to put them in danger.
“Good.”He kisses the top of my head. “Let me help.”
We pack up the room putting everything in the plastic bags they came from. The drive is quiet, both of us not really knowing what to say I guess.
Breakfast though, Gunny and Sharon fill in the silence never letting the conversation lull. It’s a welcome reprieve from what I know is only minutes away. Each second that ticks away is anotherone closer to him saying goodbye.
He stays for a while sitting outside and talking. When he rises from his chair, I know it’s the end. His face tells me all I need to know. The dagger in my chest twists, but a smile is plastered on my face.
From his expression he knows it’s not real, but he lets it slide.
“I’ve gotta take off.”
If there was dynamite around, it would’veblown. Those four little words are like an explosion shattering the world around me. If I could wrap him up and keep him for myself always, I would. He has no idea what he’s given me.
Sucking in a deep breath, I rise after he shakes Gunny’s hand and hugs Sharon, and they do their goodbyes. The stay on the porch as I follow Nox to the front of the house trying with everything inside of meto keep the tears at bay.Just a little while longer. You can do this, Carsyn. Or Ava… whoever in the hell you are.
Nox stops by his car and holds out his hand to me. I take it immediately, and he pulls me into his body. Wrapping my arms around him, his scent surrounds me and I pull it deep into my memories. The woodsy and leather smell that I will forever associate with Lennox Cruz. Theboy I had a crush on in high school, now the man who gave me my life back.
He will forever be seared into my soul. No matter how far away he is, I’ll always be thinking of him. Always.
“I want you to go out there and live your life, Carsyn. I want you to find your happy and be the woman you were intended to be.”
His words shatter me because I don’t know what I was intendedto be, but even if I did, he’d never see it. He’d never know and that cuts.
“In the backpack, your IDs, paperwork, a burner phone and a gun. Gunny will teach you how to shoot it. Pay close attention to him. You call me on this phone, and I’m comin’. One call, Carsyn, and I’ll be at your back no matter what.”
