Page 100 of I Don't Need Your Love
I just stare at him. He’s acting like nothing happened. Doesn’t he feel weird about the kiss? Then again, he’s used to kissing girls all the time.
He searches my eyes, the smile dropping from his face. “Look, Carly, I think we need to have a serious conversation.” He steps closer to me and I involuntarily step back.
He stops, pushing his fingers through his hair. “Is that okay?”
I nod, unable to talk because my throat is suddenly dry. Of course I can’t avoid him forever. Weneedto talk. So I gesture for him to take a seat. He lowers himself on my desk chair while I drop down on my bed.
I squish my pillow to my chest. “Sorry…” I clear my throat. “About…everything.”
“What are you sorry about? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“If I hadn’t attacked you, we’d still be friends.”
He watches me and then chuckles. “Attacked me? Carly, you can attack me like that any day and I’ll gladly take it.”
I play with a loose thread on my pillow. “It…” I shut my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
He wheels over to the bed, taking my hand and squishing it between both of his. “Hurt me? How is ‘attacking me’ hurting me?”
“I mean, like, you know.”
He scans my face. “Not really.”
“Okay, so you know how I…kissed you?”
He grins. “Pretty sure I was there.”
“Right. And because you’re used to kissing girls, I know it didn’t mean anything to you. But for me—”
“Hold up. You think it didn’t mean anything to me?”
I shrug. “Well, yeah. It was just a kiss from another girl. Nothing special. I’m not special to you or anything.” I avert my gaze to the floor. This is kind of embarrassing.
“Carly, you’re not just any girl. Of course you’re special to me. You think I make it a habit of climbing trees outside girls’ windows?”
I look at him. “Have you done that before?”
He shakes his head. “I know I have a reputation of being a player. I like hanging out with girls and having fun with no commitment.” He stares into my eyes. “But it’s different with you.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh my gosh, donotsay I’m different than other girls.”
“No. I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying the way I feel about you is different than I feel about other girls. I never saw myself as the boyfriend type. But the more we hung out, the more I wanted to be close to you. I held back because of my no-commitment rule. I was so confused. You were the first girl I thought about in that way—as a potential happily ever after, if you know what I mean.”
“Why me?”
“Because you’re amazing?”
I roll my eyes. “Lots of girls here are amazing.”
“True, but they’re not you.” He lifts his hand to my forehead, brushing some hair away. “They don’t drive me insane,” he murmurs, lips close to mine. “They don’t keep me up at night.” He runs the back of his finger on my cheek. “They don’t make me question the no-girlfriend rule I imposed on myself when I was ten years old.”
“What are you saying?” I whisper.
“I’m saying that I want to be all in, Carly,” he whispers back. “Not just having fun. Not only dating for a month and goodbye. I want to be there for you forever.”
My eyebrows furrow as I take in his words.
“I know it doesn’t make sense,” he continues. “I don’t understand it, but I’m opening my heart to you, Carly. I want to hold your hand like couples in the movies. I want to go on picnics and to the beach and take pictures so we can show everyone how happy we are and how much you mean to me.”
