Page 101 of I Don't Need Your Love
I just stare at him, not knowing what to say.
“I know what you’re thinking.” He gives me a sad smile. “Once a player, always a player, right? I know I don’t deserve you. I hurt you and have no right to want to be with you. But this is how I feel. The kiss? It was building up between us. At least that’s how it felt on my end. I can’t speak for you.”
“I…” I clear my throat. “I started liking you for a while, but I didn’t allow myself to because of…um…”
“My reputation.”
“Girls make you happy.”
“No.” He takes my hand. “Girls certainly donotmake me happy. You think I like that lifestyle? Just hanging out with girls and forgetting about them a short while later?”
I shrug. “It looked like it.”
He puffs out his cheeks. “When I was really little, I believed in happily ever after. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that was just a fairy tale. My parents weren’t exactly all lovey-dovey, so I thought romance was just in the movies. But then I started going to your house and when I saw how much your parents loved each other, I was filled with hope. Maybe lovedoesexist. But then I concluded that your parents were the exception. From what I experienced at home and saw in the world around me, love was just something people invented to give themselves something to hope for. So I vowed to never fall in love. To nothope and dream for something that didn’t exist. After a while, it just became normal. Hanging out with girls without committing to them was the best thing. That’s what I thought at the time. I used to make fun of Blake because he was waiting to fall in love with his special girl. Now I see thatIwas the silly one for not believing in love.”
I squeeze his hand. “I’m sorry about your home life. Do you want to talk about it?”
He gives me a small smile. “No, that’s okay. I want to focus on us and how we feel about each other.” He strokes the side of my head. “You have no reason to trust me. I understand that. And if you want me out of your life, I’ll respect that. Just tell me what you want.”
“What about what you want?”
He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“I think it does.”
He smiles sadly again. “You see? That’s why you’re so special. Here I am, telling you that all I care about is what you want and you’re worried about what I want.” He takes my hands. “Forget about me. What do you want, Carly Simmons? If you need a few days to think it over, that’s totally fine.”
I glance at the floor, then at him. “To be honest, it bothered me a lot that you were constantly surrounded by girls, but it wasn’t my business. I saw that you didn’t talk much to girls today.”
He shakes his head. “My days of being a player are over. I want to focus on one girl. A special girl.” He gazes into my eyes. “And you know who the special girl I’m talking about is.”
My stomach rolls over itself, my heart skipping a few beats. “Is it because of the kiss?”
“No. I mean, I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. But like I said, I started having feelings for you and I kept questioning myself. I couldn’t understand why I felt differently about youthan other girls. All I knew was that I looked forward to hanging out with you, laughing with you, dancing with you, just being around you. It felt like a deep connection, something I never felt with other girls. Not one.”
He takes a breath before continuing, “The more I think about it, the more I’m beginning to understand it. I think the reason why I’m feeling this way is because I’m meant to be with you.”
I blink at him. “What?”
He chuckles lightly. “Normally I’d be the last person to believe in fate, but I believe it now. You’re the only girl for me, Carly. And I’m talking long term. Like I said, happily ever after. And I know we’re only sixteen, and yeah, my reputation precedes me, but look into my eyes—into my heart—and tell me what you see.”
“It’s okay—”
“Please look, Carly.”
I face him and look into his eyes. The pain is still there, but it’s been pushed to the back and now all I see is sincerity and a pure heart. There’s hope in there as well.
“I see genuine care for me,” I tell him. “I see a guy who wants to be happy and wants to make those around him happy.”
He places his hands on either side of my face. “That includes you. You’re at the top of that list. And if I have to spend every second of every day proving my loyalty and devotion to you, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.”
I press my forehead to his. “You don’t have to do that. I trust you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I see how pure your heart is. You’re not just messing with me. You really want a serious relationship. With me.”
He rubs my nose with his. “Only with you.” He draws back. “That is, if you want the same thing.”
