Page 68 of I Don't Need Your Love
So they didn’t show up. So what? I’m not a little kid who cries when Mommy and Daddy don’t come to his dance competition.
But ithurts.
Everyone’s parents or family members were there. Even Naya’s. Her mom is so busy she barely has time to watch her dance. But she came. She supported her. She took time out of her schedule to be there for her kid.
Today is Monday and I spent the entire day yesterday trying not to mope about my parents. I kept myself busy with homework and the rec room. I kind of isolated myself from others because I didn’t want to deal with anyone.
I don’t have any other family besides my parents. Maybe the reason I’m feeling so down is because without them, I’m completely alone in the world.
I mean, sure, I have Blake and his family. They’ve been awesome to me, but it’s not the same. As close as I am to them, they’ll never be myparents.
Speaking of the Simmons, I hate that I was so cold to Carly on the bus ride home. Truth is, I have no idea what came over me. It was like an anvil was crushing me and I could hardly breathe. I wanted to sit with her. I wanted to jump at the chance of having her share my seat, but Icouldn’t.Like some force was preventing me from doing so.
Maybe I just felt like crap. Everyone was celebrating that we qualified and was cheering with their families. And I just stood there, alone, watching everyone. It was ridiculous how my eyes scraped the stands several times as I searched for my parents.
Eventually, I had to accept that they didn’t come.
I tell myself to forget all that as I get ready for school, but it’s hard. And it’ll only get harder when we participate in more competitions and the team’s families are there for them.
Why can’t I just let it go? I have friends—I can choose a new family. But I don’t think it’ll ever be the same.
I go through the motions of the first day of a new school week. I smile at the girls who wave at me as I pass them in the hallway, I slap hands with Felix and the guys from the football and basketball teams. I try to get back to my usual self. The guy who doesn’t take life seriously and just wants to have a good time.
It’s after lunch when I nearly collide with Carly, who’s walking to her class. She freezes in place, hugging her books to her chest. I feel really rotten for the way I treated her and I need to make things right. Just as I’m about to open my mouth, she gives me a small smile and a wave before heading down the hallway to her classroom.
She’s obviously hurt. I want to follow her and try to explain…but I don’t want her to know just how messed up my life is. And I’m not sure why. Maybe because I don’t like the idea of her seeing me as weak. Not that she’d make fun of me—Carly would never do that. But I guess it’s my pride. I don’t want her to feel sorry for me.
I’ll just explain that I was having a bad day and leave it at that.
I move my legs to take me to her classroom when a voice says, “Do you plan on attending my class, Mr. Bennett?”
Darn it. I didn’t realize I’m standing right outside my math classroom. “Yes, Mr. Henderson. I just have to talk to someone about something…”
“That will count as a tardy and you’ll likely receive detention.” He tilts his head toward the classroom, instructing me to get my butt inside.
I sigh before forcing a smile. “Sure, Teach.”
Throughout the lesson, the only thing I can think about is the hurt look on Carly’s face. Not accepting her offer to sit with her on the bus was such a jerk thing to do. I’m trying to be her friend. Now she’s keeping her distance. To give me space? Does she see on my face that I’m clearly not over the issues that are bothering me? She’s not the only one. I’ve noticed some girls giving me strange looks. Like I’m not acting like myself. I thought I was faking being all right, but clearly I was wrong.
Why am I letting my parents ruin my happiness?
I don’t see Carly for the rest of the school day. It’s only when I join the dance team for practice that I spot her sitting on the side of the gym with Addie and Naya. They seem very into their conversation and I don’t want to bother them. Hopefully, I’ll have a chance to apologize to Carly later.
A few minutes later, Coach enters the room and we start working on a new routine for the next competition. Carly stands at the front of the room, displaying the moves she worked on last night. Considering we barely qualified at the competition, she’s taking it to a whole new direction. The routine is pretty impressive, and I like it a lot. It seems the others feel the same.
The entire team claps and hollers when she’s done. With her cheeks slightly red, she gives a quick bow. Then she teaches us the moves. They’re much more complicated than last time, but I know we’ll get them down. We have to if we want to do better than last time. Coach and Carly inform us that we’ll need to worry about technique, too, but for now we should focus on the routine.
Everyone seems to be getting the hang of it, but I can’t get my legs to work properly. When we’re supposed to go left, I go right, crashing into some of the girls. When we’re supposed to spin, I lose my balance and nearly topple to the floor.
Darn it.
Being here reminds me of the competition, which reminds me of my parents abandoning me. My heart, body, and soul are too broken to concentrate. I’m just not into this right now.
“Ryder?” Coach walks over to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Everything all right?”
I rub my forehead. “Just a little tired, I guess.”
“Do you need a minute? Grab some water and rejoin us in five minutes.”
