Page 181 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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I trust he does understand.

How could he not?

“I still want you to stay for lunch,”

I say, as if that’s any consolation.

“Only if you still want to—?” I ask.

He thinks about it for a moment.

“Yeah, I’d like to stay,” he says,

“if it’s not too awkward for you.”

“I can live with awkward,”

I say with another half smile,

as I point to my right arm and leg

on their stacks of cushions.

“What I can’t live without is you.”

His eyes well up again.

“Can I have another hug?” he asks.

“Yes, of course.” I laugh.

I reach out my left arm

and invite Matt back

into my half embrace,

while the flowers from Obi

loom large over us.

Monday: Matt’s Coming Out—Lunch Hall

Matt corrals The Boys

with his hushed tone.

“You know I said I wasn’t gay

when you asked me?”

“Yeah...,” says Nathan, in anticipation.

Kwesi, Abdi, and Sam stay silent.

We all lean closer and wait

for Matt to continue.

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