This is two minutes of my life I can never get back.
Rafe
The heated seat isn’t even the best part.
Archer
I’m barely able to take a shit without Melody barreling into the bathroom to ask me for something. So please, tell me about your magical shitter.
Rafe
Buckle up, assholes. There are features you can’t even imagine.
Easton
We’re waiting with bated breath.
I’ve never understood that saying.
Bridger
Because it’s dumb.
Easton
There are no dumb answers. This is a safe space.
Axel
Did you shit glitter this morning, Rafe?
Rafe
There are water features. It has this little sprayer that cleans you up, and somehow, the aim is perfection. Like it just knows where you need it to go. And it shows the fuck up. Every. Single. Time.
Bridger
Are we talking about hosing your asshole?
Archer
Sounds like a car wash. You just pull up, and it gets the job done.
Rafe
All joking aside, it cleans the entire area, and then get this…
Easton
Did he just leave us hanging?
Maybe he’s having a moment with the toilet.
Rafe
Sorry, Lulu was asking me about the settings on the new toilet.
Bridger