Page 34 of The Reality of Wanting Him

No matter how much I try to distract myself, though, I can’t stop thinking about how easily he mentioned moving to the farm. He even said, “when we’re married,” like it was inevitable. When he first found out the “L” he’d been falling for was actually a man—and not the woman he’d imagined—any thoughts I had about a future with him came to a screeching halt. Especially when he admitted he’d never dated a man before.

I know I agreed to see where things would go, but if I’m being honest, a big part of why I stayed was because he’s hot.I’m not a saint—I wasn’t about to turn down a man who looks likethatand was practically begging to date me. But even after saying yes, I didn’t actually expect him to be at this level ofall in.

But he’s still thinking about it. We didn’t even need to discuss it—no debate about who would move in with who, who would give up the life they had before the show, none of that. Finding someone who wouldn’t want to move to the farm was one of my biggest concerns when I came here. I certainly wasn’t expecting him to be so eager to give up his lavish lifestyle in the city and move to my farm simply because he knows how important it is to me.

He’s willing to leave behind his whole life to be a part of mine, to build something new with me—and I’ve never had anyone choose me like that before.That’s what makes it so terrifying.

What happens when we’re out of here and reality hits? When real life happens? When I need to work from sunrise to sunset, and he wants to spend four nights a week watching football? Does he actually see himself happy in a long-term relationship with me, or is he just saying all this for the cameras because he thinks it’s what he’s supposed to do?

This is really sounding more and more like the bi version of a Hallmark movie.

While I’ve been busy spiraling over our possible future together, we’ve finished putting away the dishes.

“Wanna watch something?” Blake asks as he grabs the remote from the coffee table.

“Sure.”No need for him to know I've been freaking out.

Blake grins as he clicks on the streaming service they’ve given us access to. I sit down on one side of the only couch in the living room, and instead of Blake sitting on the opposite end, he sits right next to me. Close enough that our legs press together and I can feel the heat of him.

I try to ignore it and give him the space I just told myself we needed—so we don’t ruin this before it’s really even started—but I feel a little stiff, hyperaware of where we’re touching.

“This okay?” he asks, hovering over a show I’ve never seen before and I nod.I won’t be able to focus on anything anyway.“Perfect,” Blake says to himself as he presses play.

He relaxes into the couch and drapes one arm over the back of it behind me.Subtle, Blake, real subtle.He’s not exactly touching me, but he’s so close I can feel him there—and it’s distracting as hell. I try to focus on the show but I can’t care less about what’s happening on the screen. Especially not when I feel the subtle movement of his fingers touching my hair. They’re lightly grazing the base of my neck and sending a slight shiver down my spine. It’s such a soft touch, though, that I wonder if he’s even aware he’s doing it.But he has to be, right? I can’t be the only one aware of this simmering tension.

His fingers slide down to my shoulder, and I give in to the pull I’ve been trying to resist. Every plan I made to keep my distance vanishes as I shift toward him, like I can’t help it. He leans in too, and when I turn to look at him, I find him already watching me. I should probably say something to break the tension, but all I can think about is how close we are—and before I can move, he does.

His hand lifts to my chin, and I can’t help leaning in. But then I take control, pressing forward to kiss him like I mean it. He melts into me instantly.Fuck, I love that.This big football player of a man handing me all the power gives me such a rush. I’ve always liked to be the one in charge in the bedroom, but I’ve never been with someone bigger than me, even if it’s only by an inch. I’ve never felt like I wasactuallydominating my partner before, and I’m taken aback by the heady feeling. The fact that he’s obviously enjoying this dynamic makes it that much better.

His body relaxes, fingers curling into the fabric of my shirt. The moans of pleasure from Blake assure me that he’s fineletting me take the lead. So I do. I slide a hand into his soft blond hair, tugging just enough to see how he’ll respond, and the softest whimper escapes his lips before he leans into me even harder.Fuck, I’ve wanted to do that since I first saw him.That noise went straight to my aching cock and my desperation has me gripping him tighter, kissing him deeper, needing even more.

He climbs into my lap and his arms circle around the back of my neck as I continue to fuck my tongue into his mouth—trying not to question this or him. I focus on the way he enthusiastically gives into everything I do, how he obviously loves it when I take control.

My mind wanders to the way he called me “sir” when I asked him to do something and my cock grows even harder. As much as I want to push him back to fully lay on the couch, to cover his body with mine and give into this fire between us, that nagging voice in the back of my mind warns me against it.I’m not ready to stop kissing him, though.

I don’t know how long we sit there, tangled up in each other, but I do know one thing.

I am absolutely fucked.

Everything about this feels too easy and natural, like we’ve been doing this for way longer than a couple of days. Like I’ve known him far longer than just over a week.

I groan as I force myself to pull back and rest my forehead against his. His hands are still around my neck, my fingers are still tangled in his hair, and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to keep kissing someone this badly.I could probably come just from kissing him.

But I know we need to stop. I tell myself it’s the right thing, trying to remember all my plans from earlier. “We should go to bed.”

He doesn’t move or drop his hands. He doesn’t put even an inch of space between us.Fuuuuck, of course he has to make this harder.

Then, with the most satisfied smirk on his sexy face, he says, “Yeah? Should we?”

I know exactly what he’s implying. I shake my head, a quiet laugh escaping as I finally lean back. “Yes,to sleep.”

He sighs dramatically, finally letting go of me to drop his head against the back of the couch and throw his arm over his face. “Fiiiine,” he whines, just like earlier, before he drops his act and smirks at me once more. “But don’t think I didn’t notice how long it took you to pull away. I’ll figure out how to prove to you I want this. Want all of you. Including your cock, if that wasn’t clear.” He raises his eyebrows a few times, somehow managing to hold that fucking smirk.

I can only stare at him. He said that so casually, like he’s been interested in dick his entire life.I’m so screwed.I finally snort a laugh and follow him to the bedroom. We get ready for bed, but my mind is nowhere ready for sleep and it’s entirely Blake’s fault.

I don’t hate it though. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had this much fun.

I roll over in bed,feeling the warmth of Blake still wrapped around me. The guy sleeps like he doesn’t have a care in the world, and it’s so fitting for him. His arm is slung around my waist, his leg tangled in mine, and he’s already treating me like I’m his personal body pillow. He’s talked about cuddling his dog a lot, and I know he’s missing her, but I kind of hope that when he’s reunited with her, he still wants to cuddle me, too.

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