Page 52 of Breaking Matt
"I know. We love you and we just want you to be happy and safe," she said.I'm an adult, I thought with irritation. They had to understand that they couldn't shield me from all the bad things in the world.
I let out a deep breath as I rose up. Since the attack on Courtney, I'd been nervous and scared. I wasn't used to feeling this way, and it was tiring. But I was determined not to let the fear make me give up my life and go into hiding.
I looked up to see Matthew watching me from the doorway of my room. The fear I had for my own life was nothing compared to the fear of something happening to Matthew.
"You haven't been keeping anything else from me?" I asked, needing to know everything.
"No, that's everything."
I rubbed my forehead to try and ease the jumbled thoughts in my mind.
"You have someone watching you and Dad?" I asked.
"Yes," she answered, and I felt relieved.
There was no way to give protection to every close friend but I couldn't shake the fear of something happening to my parents. Or to Matthew, who was still watching me.
"Maybe it's best for you to come home. At least until this blows over?" she asked.
That would be the easier option but I felt like a coward. Besides I had no idea how long it would take before Nick made a mistake and my father could build a case against him. It could take months. I wouldn't allow the thought that it could take years to stay in my mind.
I didn't want to think that this could take over my life but there was little else I could think about at the moment. I doubted it would get easier to handle it.
"No," I answered.
Matthew crossed his arms as he watched me.
I wanted to keep him safe. Keeping him close wouldn't keep him out of harm's way but I wasn't sure I was strong enough to push him away. The way he made me feel was unlike anything I'd ever experienced and I couldn't imagine giving it up.
I was so undecided on what to do. My mind told me to let him go, but my heart refused.
"I have to go, Mom," I said.
"Okay, baby."
"I love you," I told her softly.
"I love you too," she said and I ended the call. I let out a sigh.
"Everything okay?" Matthew asked as he pushed off the doorframe.
I nodded. I hated for people to see me when I was vulnerable, but there was no way I could hide the way I was feeling. Everything wasn't okay, and until Nick was behind bars nothing would be. I put my phone down beside my bed. Matthew stood beside me. I lifted my eyes to his and he put his hands on either side of my face as he scanned my features slowly.
"How are you doing?" he asked softly. He was one of the few people who could see through the facade I was trying to portray. When he looked into my eyes he saw right down to the truth I couldn't hide from him. I was scared and confused.
"I won't let anything happen to you," he promised me.
I knew he meant every word, and it scared me. There would be no limit to what he would sacrifice to keep me safe, even giving his own life to save mine. I closed my eyes for a moment when a wave of grief washed over me. I swallowed hard, trying to get a handle on the feeling of despair at the thought of something happening to him.
"Talk to me," he said, and I opened my eyes. Staring into the depths of his, I wanted to hold on to him so badly and never let go.
"It's nothing." I brushed off his concern, not wanting to give voice to my fear.
His thumb brushed over my lip.
"If you talk about it, you'll feel better," he said.
I shook my head. Talking about it would only make me face the reality that I had to let him go and it wasn't something I was prepared to do just yet.
