Page 53 of Breaking Matt
My hands covered his, still cradling my face.
"What can I do to make you feel better?" he asked softly. His eyes searched mine for the answer.
I dropped my hands to my sides and reached up on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his. I needed to be close to him, as close as two people could physically be. My hands reached up and slid around his neck, pulling him closer as my tongue swept into his mouth, deepening the kiss. At that moment nothing else mattered but what we were doing. I wasn't thinking about Courtney, Nick or the fact my life was in danger. Only Matthew mattered.
He broke the kiss before he looked down at me with darkened eyes that told me he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He was breathing hard while he stared at me. My chest rose and fell with my deep breaths.
I swallowed and nodded my head at his unspoken question. I needed him.
He didn't hesitate. He took my hand in his and led me to his room. Inside his room he turned to face me, pulling me closer to kiss me so hard it made my toes curl. Tongues and caresses stirred me up. I broke away, my chest rising and falling with my deep breaths. A fire of desire shone from his eyes as they swept over me, and I shivered with anticipation.
I'd always used sex to deal with difficult stuff but this was different. With Matthew it wasn't just about a physical act that connected us, it went way beyond that. It was love. My feelings were open to see as my gaze swept over his face.
His hands reached for the bottom of my shirt, and he pulled it over my head and discarded it on the floor. The feel of his gentle touch swept down the sides of my body until his hands rested on my hips. I felt like I'd been lit on fire.
I reached for the edge of his shirt and helped him remove it. It landed on top of mine. Our mouths met again in a frenzied kiss that swept me through me. My hands reached the back of his neck and pulled him closer, needing more. His kisses were hot and deep.
There was no better feeling than being kissed by him. It made me feel like the most important person in his world. I loved that. His hands drifted up my back to unclasp my bra. He continued to kiss me while his hand pushed the straps of my bra off my shoulders. The bra hit the floor and then he pulled me close. His hard chest pressing against the softness of my breasts was such a turn-on. Skin to skin.
My hands moved to his chest. The feel of his hard, defined muscles sent a thrill through me. He had a perfect body that was lean and well defined.
He stared down at me with want, and then he moved to unbutton my jeans. I wiggled out of them. His hands trailed gently down my legs. My skin tingled beneath his touch. Once the jeans were gone, I was standing there in my panties. I stepped forward and unbuttoned his jeans. They dropped to the floor and he kicked them off.
The touch of his hands on my lower back pulled me up against him. He kissed me again before his mouth slid against my skin down my throat. I groaned at the sensitive touch. The back of my mind nagged at me. If I were stronger I would do the right thing, but I wasn't. I couldn't push him away to keep him safe. I wasn't strong enough to do that.
He gave me exactly what I wanted, up against the wall. Our bodies connected and together we reached our peaks. Sweaty and out of breath, I kissed his forehead.
He opened his eyes and looked at me adoringly. I loved him. The words were on the tip of my tongue but I bit my lip to stop myself. I wasn't ready to tell him that yet. He released me and my legs felt weak as he set me down on my feet. He picked me up and put me into his bed before climbing into it himself. I closed my eyes for a moment as he hugged me from behind.
The sex had been awesome, and for a few brief moments I'd forgotten about all the difficult things in my life that had been constantly on my mind. His arms tightened around me and I felt the guilt tear through me. I closed my eyes for a moment. I couldn't think about losing him.
Then the memories from my nightmare resurfaced and I remembered the horrible terror that I'd felt when he'd taken his last breath.
The next day, Matthew accompanied me to visit Courtney. He waited outside with Mark, giving me a chance to visit with my friend alone.
She smiled when I entered with a pile of magazines and her favorite chocolates.
"Now I remember why you're my best friend," she teased when she got her hands on the large box of candy.
Guilt tinged the affectionate smile I gave my friend. The quickest way to her heart was chocolates.
There was a part of me that wanted to come clean for being the reason why she'd been taken, but she didn't remember anything. Telling her wouldn't absolve me of my guilt, and it would cause her more pain. Not remembering was better, I knew that. I would keep it from her and wrestle with my guilt on my own.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, sitting beside her in a spare chair pulled up next to her bed.
She lifted her shoulders and let them drop. Her usual happy demeanor dropped for a moment. "I don't remember any of it."
I kept silent as I reached out and covered her hand with mine, giving it a slight squeeze.
"They say blocking out a traumatic event is my mind's way of helping me cope." She frowned. "But it still scares me that I can't remember a thing."
Feeling emotion clog my throat, I just nodded as I listened.
"A policeman dropped by to get a statement from me but I couldn't remember anything. All I can remember was leaving campus after classes on Thursday afternoon. Everything after that is a blank. All they told me was I went missing for a while and someone left me at the hospital." She shook her head slightly. Her eyes went wide and I saw them water a little. "What if they come back for me?"
I gripped her hand tighter. "They won't."
Mark had been assigned to watch over her but now I didn't think it was the best idea. She knew Mark and if she found out who he really was it would raise questions I didn't want to answer. What if it triggered her memories before she was ready to deal with them? I would ask Matthew to assign someone she didn't know so their secret wouldn't be revealed.
