Page 26 of The Silencer

I take the mug, letting the warmth seep into my cold hands."Thanks, Tammy."

She sits beside me on the bed, gently rubbing my back."Do you want to talk about it?"

I take a sip of tea, considering."I don't know what to say," I admit."Seeing Emmanuel...it brought everything back.And then those girls at the party..."

"Oh, Clodagh," Tammy sighs."I'm so sorry you had to go through that.Those girls had no right to say those things."

I nod, tears welling up again."I know it wasn't my fault.In my head, I know that.But sometimes...sometimes I can't help but wonder if things would have been different if?—"

"No," Tammy says firmly."Don't go down that road, sweetheart.You can't change the past and torturing yourself with 'what ifs' won't help."

She's right, of course.But knowing something and feeling it are two different things.

"I thought I was getting better," I whisper."But tonight...it feels like I'm right back where I started."

Tammy pulls me into a hug, careful not to spill my tea."Healing isn't a straight line, Clodagh.There will be setbacks, bad days.But that doesn't erase all the progress you've made."

I lean into her embrace, letting her words wash over me."I'm tired, Tammy.I'm so tired of carrying this."

"I know, sweetheart," she says softly."But you're not carrying it alone.I'm here.Dr.Murphy is here.Lisa is here.We're all here to help you."

We sit in silence for a while, me sipping my tea and Tammy rubbing soothing circles on my back.Finally, I set the empty mug aside and lie down, suddenly exhausted.

Tammy tucks me in just like she did that first night I came to live with her."Try to get some sleep," she says."We'll talk more in the morning if you want."

As she turns to leave, I reach out and grab her hand.“Tammy?"

She turns back to me, her face soft with concern."Yes, sweetheart?"

"Thank you," I whisper."For everything.For being here, for understanding.I don't know what I'd do without you."

Tammy's eyes fill with tears.She leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead."Oh, Clodagh.You don't have to thank me.You're my daughter now, in every way that matters.I love you, and I'll always be here for you."

Her words warm me from the inside out.For the first time since seeing Emmanuel, I feel a glimmer of hope."I love you too," I say softly.

Tammy smiles, squeezing my hand."Get some rest now.I'll be right down the hall if you need me."

As she leaves, turning off the light and closing the door softly behind her, I curl up under the covers.The events of the day replay in my mind—Emmanuel's apology, the cruel words at the party, my breakdown.But alongside those painful memories, I see Tammy's face.I hear her words of comfort and love.

I know the road ahead won't be easy.The trauma I've experienced doesn't just disappear overnight.But as I drift off to sleep, I hold on to the knowledge that I'm not alone.I have Tammy, I have Lisa, I have people who care about me and want to help me heal.

Tomorrow will be a new day.Maybe I'll talk to Dr.Murphy about what happened.Maybe I'll find healthier ways to cope with my pain.For now, though, I let myself be comforted by the safety of my room, the lingering warmth of Tammy's hug, and the promise of a fresh start in the morning.

As sleep finally claims me, my last conscious thought is a quiet determination.I survived the worst night of my life.I can survive this too.And maybe, just maybe, I can do more than survive.Maybe, with time and help, I can learn to truly live again.

ELEVEN

clodagh

“I’m proud of you, Clodagh,”Tammy says with a smile.“I know it can’t have been easy seeing Dr.Murphy today, but you did it.”

I nod, glancing out of the passenger side window of Tammy’s car.The session with Dr.Murphy was intense.I had to talk about my encounter with Emmanuel and the breakdown at the party.I feel drained, but also oddly lighter.

"It wasn't easy," I admit."But...I think it helped.Dr.Murphy said something that really stuck with me."

Tammy turns to face me, her expression soft and filled with love and concern."What was that, sweetheart?"

I take a deep breath."She said that healing doesn't mean the damage never existed.It means the damage no longer controls my life."

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