Page 27 of The Silencer

Tammy's eyes soften."That's very true.And very wise."

"I've been thinking about it," I continue."It’s going to be hard, but I know my parents would want me to heal from this."

"I'm so proud of you, Clodagh.So, so proud.And I know your parents and Dylan would be too."

As always at the mention of my family, I feel a pang in my chest.But it's not as sharp as it used to be.Instead, there's a bittersweet warmth."I hope so," I whisper."Tammy, thank you.For everything.For being here, for supporting me, for...for loving me."

Tammy reaches over and squeezes my hand."Oh, sweetheart, loving you is the easiest thing in the world.You're an incredible young woman, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life."

“There was something else that Dr.Murphy said but I’m not sure how to react.”

Her hand tightens around mine.“Tell me,”she encourages me.

“According to Dr.Murphy, Emmanuel was only sixteen years old when his father murdered my family and abducted me.He was just a child in a helpless situation, and while I have every right to feel angry and hurt, I shouldn't hold any hatred toward someone who was as powerless as I was.”I sigh.She’s right, but damn...I need someone else to hate, someone else to blame, and Emmanuel was the perfect person to do so.

Tammy is quiet for a moment, considering my words."That's a lot to process," she says gently."How do you feel about what Dr.Murphy said?"

I stare out the window, watching the familiar streets of our neighborhood pass by."I don't know," I admit."Part of me understands what she's saying.Emmanuel was just a kid too, caught in a terrible situation.But another part of me..."

"Is still angry?"Tammy finishes for me.

I nod."Yeah.I mean, he was older than me.He knew what his father was like.Maybe he couldn't have stopped everything, but he could have done something, right?"

Tammy sighs."It's a complicated situation, Clodagh.And your feelings about it are valid, all of them.The anger, the confusion, the hurt—it's all okay to feel."

We pull into Orna’s driveway, but neither of us moves to get out of the car.Tammy turns to face me fully.

"Sweetheart, forgiveness isn't something that happens overnight.And it's not something you owe to anyone, not even Emmanuel.It's a process, and it's okay if you're not there yet, or if you never get there."

I feel tears prickling at the corners of my eyes."But what if holding on to this anger is holding me back?What if it's stopping me from healing?"

Tammy reaches out and cups my cheek gently."Healing isn't about forgetting or pretending the hurt never happened.It's about learning to live with it, to not let it control your life.And that takes time."

I lean into her touch, feeling the comfort and safety she always provides."I just want to be okay," I whisper.

"Oh, Clodagh," Tammy says, pulling me into a hug across the center console."You will be.Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will be.And I'll be here every step of the way."

“Now,” Tammy says after a few minutes, “Orna said that Lisa’s grounded for what happened last night.But she’s allowed to see you.So let’s go and see what’s happened.”

My brows knit together.What happened after I left?Why is Lisa grounded?

Entering Orna’s home, I spot Lisa sitting on the sofa.There’s a cut just above her eye, not to mention bruising on her cheek.“What the hell happened?”

“She got into a fight,” Orna says in a disapproving tone.“Now I do not condone violence, not in the slightest, but Lisa explained what happened last night and while violence isn’t the answer, I’m not exactly angry about it.”

“Someone, please tell me what happened?”I ask.

Lisa looks up at me, her expression a mixture of defiance and concern."After you left last night, those girls were still running their mouths, saying awful things about you and about what happened to your family.I couldn't just stand there and let them talk about you like that."

My eyes widen as I realize what she's saying."Lisa, you didn't..."

She shrugs, wincing slightly at the movement."I did.I told them to shut their mouths about things they don't understand.When they wouldn't stop, I...well, I shut them up myself."

I sink down onto the couch next to her, my mind reeling."You got into a fight for me?"

Lisa nods, a small smile playing on her lips despite her injuries."Of course I did.You're my best friend, Clodagh.I wasn't about to let those bitches keep spreading lies about you."

I feel tears welling up in my eyes.I’m overwhelmed by Lisa's loyalty."You didn't have to do that," I whisper.

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