Page 97 of Resisting the Running Back

“Lily loves it. They do all sorts of arts and crafts activities. Luca likes it because there’s some video games, but he doesn’t love it like she does.”

I wrinkle my nose. “Is it weird having kids?”

Cassie chuckles. “It’s not weird, exactly. What’s weird is how it’s the most exhausting, hardest work I’ve ever done, but it’s also the most rewarding, most incredible thing I’ve ever done.” She shrugs a little as she gets this faraway look in her eyes.

“Do you want more?”

She twists her lips. “I mean…I’m not getting any younger. A pregnancy at this age is considered geriatric.”

“Geriatric?” I repeat. “Aren’t you, like, thirty-five?”

“Thirty-seven, but thanks. Anything over thirty-five is considered geriatric.”

“They actually use that word?”

She nods. “That oradvanced maternal age. I’m not sure which is worse.”

“What an insult pregnant women don’t actually need.” I wrinkle my nose.

“Tell me about it. But to answer your question…yes. It would be a blessing to raise a baby with Tanner. What’s meant to be will be.”

What’s meant to be will be.

I hold those words in my hands.

“What about you? Do you want kids?” she asks.

“I was never the girl who dreamed of being a mom, but I also never really saw a future without kids in it. But I don’t really think Miller wants kids.” I lift a shoulder.

“How does that make you feel?”

I think about what happened last night. I think about confessing it to Cassie since it seems like the perfect time to do it.

But I chicken out.

It’s too early to really know anything yet, and besides, we have a port tomorrow where we might be able to find that emergency contraception. It’s still on the table.

It’s exhausting and hard, but it’s also rewarding and incredible—according to Cassie, at least. She seems to really have her shit together. She just married Tanner Banks, formerly one of pro football’s hottest bachelors. She has two kids who adore her, she’s running her own physical therapy practice, and she still has time for things like pedicures and massages and coffee dates with her future sister-in-law. She was strong enough to leave a man who treated her like shit, and she made it out on the other side even when it was just her and her two kids.

This parenting thing…it can’t beallbad, can it?

I lean back into the massage chair and give in to the lovely feel of the rollers moving across my shoulders. They’re tight with tension both from sitting at a table on my laptop all the time and from the stress of whatever’s happening with Miller and me.

“I’m not sure,” I finally murmur.

But even as I tell her I’m not sure how Miller not wanting kids makes me feel, I think I know the answer.

If he draws the line at having kids…I don’t think we can continue down this path. Because even though it’s just a minor scare of a possibility at this point, the more I think about it, the more I think having kids is exactly what I want out of life.

CHAPTER 44: Miller Banks

Brotherly Competition

I stare up at the ceiling as I lie on the bed.

This was the scene of the crime.

I feel like shit. I feel awkward with Sophie, and that’s one zone our friendship has never fallen into. I hate it.

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