Page 98 of Resisting the Running Back

It feels all wrong.

This trip that felt like paradise just a few days ago has turned into some weird sort of hellish prison. We can’t even get off this fucking boat today because it’s a day at sea, and suddenly I feel some strange combination of homesick and seasick.

I think it’s just nausea from the condom breaking and the uncertainty surrounding that, but I force myself up off the bed and over to the Dramamine anyway.

I pop a pill, and I think about calling Tanner, but I’m not sure I’m ready to confess any of this to anybody just yet. Besides, we’re meeting for a game of basketball in an hour anyway.

One half of me wishes today of all days wasn’t the day that we were forced to be apart. But the other part of me is grateful for the isolation.

It gives me a chance to sit withmy thoughts.

Obviously if our accident last night results in a pregnancy, I’ll be there for her.

I just never imaginedthisis how I’d finally get my shot with her. Everything was going so well for us, and now it feels like we ran into a wall.

My biggest fear in her finding out that I’ve loved her since high school was that it would somehow change our friendship. It didn’t. But I think this might.

Tanner will know something’s up with me. He’ll dig and dig until he gets to the bottom of things.

And that’s why I should probably avoid him. I’m not ready for him to give me his big brotherly advice.

He’s twelve minutes older than me, and somehow that makes him wiser than me. Fuck that. He doesn’t know fuck about shit, and apparently neither do I.

I blow out a breath.

Who the fuck even am I right now? I’m insulting my brother in my own head. This isn’t me.

I need to shake it off, and with that in mind, I head toward the fitness center.

I shouldn’t be surprised to find Asher, Spencer, and Tanner already in there. There’s nobody else in here, just those three men who are all prepping ahead of the looming training camp.

“Where are the other two?” I ask when I walk in.

“I think Grayson is taking a nap, and Lincoln said he wanted to get some work done before basketball,” Spencer says as he runs on a treadmill.

Tanner is lifting weights, and Asher is doing squats.

I hop on one of the treadmills a few down from Spencer to give us each some space. I slip in my AirPods, turn on some indie rock, and I start immediately with a sprint.

“Whoa, dude. You okay?” Asher asks as he moves to stand in front of my machine.

“Fine,” I grunt.

“An immediate sprint? Don’t you need to warm up first?”

I shake my head. “I need to fucking run. Anybody else feel stuck on this boat?”

Tanner sets down his weights and moves to stand beside Asher. “You okay?”

“A bit of seasickness, I think,” I say. It’s a lie, and Tanner will see right through it.

As predicted, he studies me for a second, but he doesn’t say anything in front of Asher and Spencer. Instead, he’ll corner me later and try to get me to talk, but I’ve become pretty damn good at keeping my feelings to myself.

They leave me to my run as they get back to their own workouts, and I increase the incline and slow my pace. I run for thirty minutes, music blasting in my ears as I push everything out of my mind and focus on the task in front of me.

It helps.

By the time I’m done, I’m a panting, sweaty mess, but I do feel a little better.

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