Page 47 of Fervent

Swallowing hard, I scooped some chili into a bowl as he and Jax returned to debating the best way to break into Lucas’ estate without setting off the alarms.

On my way back to the table, the image of my father’s face on TV froze me. The newscaster’s lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. I moved across the room and flipped up the volume.

“…was arrested on charges of corporate conspiracy and embezzlement. Authorities say De Luca—”

“That’s another example of the old man’s power,” Jax said, pointing toward the TV. “He learned De Luca paid off a judge in your trial, so he went after him too. He’s been planning his downfall from the beginning.”

I stared in shock at the image of my father’s face. “That’s why Lucas wormed his way into the business, got on my dad’s good side…wanted to marry me? To Ruin us?”

Jax didn’t answer, but he didn’t have to.

Rafe cursed under his breath. “Abbott’s arrest is the only good thing that came out of this.” He crossed the space between us and tilted my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Your father can’t hurt you anymore, and once I find Zach, he won’t be a threat either.” His mouth formed a determined line.

“No.” The idea of Rafe going after my brother terrified me. The moment Zach shot him replayed in my mind. Rafe had lost his memory because of what happened that night. We’d both lost so much. “Let’s just get far away from here. I don’t want you going after Zach.”

I didn’t want him going after Jax’s father either, but I understood why they needed to do it. Those women were still prisoners, their whole lives spreading before them, just out of reach because sick and perverted men saw them as nothing more than possessions.

“Where’s this coming from?” Rafe asked. “After everything that happened, you know as well as I do that Zach won’t give up. Don’t you want him to pay for what he did?” He narrowed his eyes. “Or is it something more? You feel something for him?”

“No!” I blinked, fighting tears. “He shot you. I just…I can’t—”

The newscaster’s voice interrupted, and we both focused our attention on the TV at the mention of Mason Vineyards.

“A devastating fire broke out at Mason Vineyards early this morning. It’s not clear yet if the fire was accidental, according to Deputy Fire Chief Stanton, who says his department is still investigating. There were no reported deaths from the fire…”

The bowl of chili slipped from my fingers and cracked at my feet. Rafe sank into the chair and buried his head in his hands. Jax shut off the TV, and the silence that tore through the room disturbed me on such a deep level, I wanted to scream just to break it. I lowered to my haunches and placed my hands on his knees.

“I’m sorry.”

He looked up, his eyes tired and defeated. “They already burned the island, and now the vineyard. Perrone is systematically destroying my family’s legacy.” My hands fell away as he stood.

He began pacing, but Jax gripped his shoulder. “And tomorrow, we’re gonna destroy my legacy.”

Rafe’s soft snores should have offered me comfort. They assured me he was beside me, alive. Breathing. Still with me. But it wasn’t enough. Everything pressed on me too heavily—the destruction of Mason Vineyards, my dad’s arrest, Rafe and Jax planning to go after Lucas.

The turmoil inside me was a beast, its teeth gnawing from the inside, claws scratching to get free. I’d conditioned myself to keep my eyes dry for years, even while Zach thrust his cock into every part of me. Especially then. I’d learned to deal with emotions another way.

It was unhealthy and abnormal, but causing pain was the only way I knew to dampen the clutch of the beast inside me that stole my breath and turned my chest into a pressure cooker. Pain brought a blessed sigh of relief as my skin tingled and burned. It was like a drug. I caught a whiff of my next fix now, except gouging flesh with the sharp edge of my fingernails wouldn’t be enough this time.

I couldn’t unglue my mind from Jax slicing into that apple with a blade.

Slipping from bed, I made my way quietly into the bathroom, shut the door, and switched on the light. The mirror above the sink whispered to me, and I stared at the damage Zach had done to my abdomen. I craved the sting, craved the sharp bite of a blade drawing a line of crimson. I wanted red to wipe away those carved letters, thirsted for the subsequent relief that would follow the cut.

I wanted the death of his fucking name.

Spurned on by the need raging in my blood, I switched off the light and left the bathroom, my bare feet padding across the hardwood toward the hall. I cracked open the door and waited a few seconds, listening.

Rafe’s breathing continued, uninterrupted.

I crept toward the kitchen with soundless steps, navigating through the shadows of night, and prayed Jax wouldn’t find me wandering the house naked. My blood begged to be spilled, cried from within my veins, an accomplice of the ever-thirsty beast that possessed me. I pulled a drawer open and grabbed the biggest butcher knife I could find, then I tiptoed back to the bathroom, praying I wouldn’t wake Rafe.

I had to do this,neededit with a driving force I barely grasped, so how could I expect him to understand it? No doubt, he’d be furious, and this would probably hurt him as much as me, if not more, but that didn’t stop me from shutting myself in the bathroom and slicing down my stomach, right through theAin Zach’s name. I closed my eyes and sighed as the sting radiated from that spot, breathed easy for a few glorious moments when reality narrowed to the pain and overshadowed the hollow ache in my chest.

Yet the tears still wouldn’t come. I needed more.More, more, more.

Teeth grinding, I slashed again, this time horizontally through every single letter. My fingers shook around the handle, knuckles whitening from holding it so tightly, and I used my free hand to smear the blood. Finally, hot and bitter drops fell from my eyes, one after the other in an endless stream that fed the beast.

Like a finger painting, the red obscured Zach’s name, though it still weighed heavily on my skin, a constant reminder that he’d always be with me no matter how far I ran from his memory. No matter how much time passed and the rest of me healed.

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