Page 48 of Fervent

Letting out a sob, I sliced again…again and again and again. God, it wasn’t enough. I might be erasing Zach, but what about everything else? The days spent in the dark with Rafe, certain we were going to die? I couldn’t breathe, but I didn’t want to halt the ambush of sorrow flowing down my face in rivulets of shame either. My lids shuttered, and I embraced the release, cherished the thrill of power I got from that blade.

A fist clamped around my wrist, and my eyes flew open. Rafe squeezed hard until I involuntarily dropped the knife. Through the chaos barreling through my being, I had trouble registering his presence, or what the tick in his jaw meant.

His hooded gaze pinned mine by way of our reflections in the mirror until he spun me around to face him. He wrenched my arms behind me and held my wrists together. Something sparked alive in my veins, trilled deliciously in my ears.

“Don’t move an inch.”

With a quick nod, I swallowed hard. He slowly let go of my hands, framed my cheeks with warm palms, and kissed the tears from my face.

“Why are you in here unraveling on your own?” His tongue darted out and caught another drop.

“I don’t know.” I forced the words beyond the lump in my throat. “I need the pain. I need his name gone. I need it all gone.”

Letting go of me, he opened the medicine cabinet. Neither of us spoke as he cleaned up the blood. I stood, my hands clasped behind me, while he applied antibiotic ointment and taped a bandage over the reddening slashes.

“At least you didn’t slash too deep.” He stood back, arms falling to his sides, and I burned under his fierce scrutiny. “You could’ve really hurt yourself. There are other ways to remove his name, Alex. Cosmetic surgery, ink. This isn’t the way.”

“I’m sorry.” I bit my lip, my cheeks flaming. His disappointment stung.

“I won’t let you self-destruct, so you’ve only got one option. You’re gonna let it out right now. All of it.”

I shook my head, eyes downcast.

He gripped my shoulder and pushed me from the bathroom. My heartbeat raced as the shadows reached from the corners of the room, threatening to choke me, but I wasn’t afraid. Not while Rafe was with me, his body warm and steady at my back. The strength in his capable grip grounded me.

He pushed me toward the bed. “Bend over the end.”

I tumbled onto the bed, palms bracing myself, and laid my cheek on the soft comforter.

His determined steps thumped across the floor. He didn’t have to tell me not to move as he rifled through the dresser drawers, his back to me, body cast in silhouette. We both knew I wasn’t going anywhere. He pulled out a belt and moved toward me, the thick strap of leather looped in his fist, ready to unleash punishment.

A drift of cool air blasted my backside as he stepped behind me, out of sight. I drew in a quick breath, preparing for the jolt of pain I knew was coming.

“If you need me to stop, tell me, okay?”

The pressure built in my chest again, and the sting in my eyes became unbearable, so I squeezed them shut. “Make it hurt.”

“Why?” His voice cracked, his anguish and confusion bleeding through that single word. “God, Alex. I’ve got a fucking hard-on from hell right now. The thought of hurting you shouldn’t do this to me. I don’t understand why you need it, why I do.”

“Then don’t question it.”

His rapid breaths filled my ears. “Don’t you ever cut yourself again.” The strap of leather bit into my ass with a harshcrack.

I jerked upright with a cry, my legs quaking from the force of the strike. He shoved me back to the mattress with a firm hand, and another lash landed on my ass, as unforgiving as the first.

Panting, I cursed the heat igniting between my thighs and pressed them together, waiting for the next strike.

“Don’t hide from me. Spread your legs.”

I groaned but did as instructed, certain my arousal was on full display, despite the cloak of shadows from nighttime. He shifted, pushing a draft of cool air toward my core, and trailed the belt down my back, tickling my spine. Gooseflesh broke out on my skin, and shivers wracked my body as he dragged the leather between my ass cheeks.

“Do you want more?”

“Yes.”

“I won’t strike you again until you tell me what you’re getting from this.”

I opened my mouth but couldn’t find an explanation. The silence, along with the loss of each second, coalesced into a standoff. “Please, Rafe.”

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