Page 89 of Open Water

He’s so cute. He is so fucking cute.

“You do realise porn is totally unrealistic shite, edited to make people think that it is how things should be. Real life is nothing like that,” Lukas starts, then stops. His face flushed scarlet.

“I know that, Lukas. I do have sex you know?” Max grunts out, and pulls his snapback down over his face. Whilst Tom lets a strangled giggle escape.

“The bus leaves in like six minutes. Can we get going?” he says sternly, because someone has to take control, and if Lukas doesn’t stop blushing and biting his bottom lip, then Tom might have to dry hump him by the bus stop and that is not going to end well.

“Fuck,my phone is upstairs,” Lukas groans and runs up the stairs with his shoes still on.

And Max screams, “No fucking shoes in the house.” And Tom’s watch now shows the bus arriving in four minutes.

“Let’s go!!” he shouts and Max walks out the door, jumping down the six steps in one crazy looking stunt jump, one arm resting casually on the railing.

“Coming!!” Lukas’s footfall thunders down the stairs and the door slams behind him as Tom fishes out a cigarette from his coat pocket. It’s a habit and the feel of it in his hand makes him jolt.

“You promised,” Max warns.

He did as well. This morning. Fuck.

“I didn’t realise I still had a packet in this coat,” he tries. Lamely. He didn’t think. Honestly.

“Lukas, Dad has made a deal with me. No more smoking. It stopped this morning. I haven’t had a cigarette for days now, and I feel okay. He can do it, but you need to help me police him, because Dad is the freaking master of the sneaky cigarette. He even smoked on the plane when we flew to Copenhagen, and they didn’t catch him.”

“Tom, that is dangerous. Don’t do that again.” Lukas grunts.

“Sorry,” Tom says, again. He seems to say ‘Sorry’ a lot today. ‘Sorry for coming too quickly again, because I can’t control this urge I have to hump you into oblivion’. ‘Sorry for choking on your dick’. ‘Sorry for not swallowing down all your come and ruining your clean jeans when I drooled all over them’. Sorry. And yeah. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t smoke’.

“Lukas, here.” He throws the packet of cigarettes to Lukas. “Get rid of them.”

He doesn’t sound convinced, almost wanting to grab them back. Stick one in his mouth for safety. Just one last smoke.

“I’m proud of you. Of you both. That’s amazing,” Lukas huffs as he throws the packet casually into the neighbor’s bin, as Max starts running. The bus is turning onto the road and they are late. They are so very late.

At least, it’s almost empty, as they climb on board, making their way to the seats at the back, sharing the bus with a lonely pensioner at the front and a couple with a pram in the middle.

“Dad,” Max says again as he slumps down on the double seat in front of Tom and Lukas who is perched almost nervously next to him.

“Max,” Tom replies absentmindedly. He wishes he had something to put in his mouth. He needs something to dangle from his lips. Something to do with his hands.

“I’ve been thinking,” Max says quietly.

“Thinking is good,” Tom replies. He grabs Lukas’s hand. Holds it tight. “Is this okay?” he whispers, looking at Lukas from under his fringe.

“What?” Lukas says nervously.

“Holding your hand?”

“You want to?”

“I’m holding your hand. In public. Like we’re together. Because we are,” Tom says sternly. They are. And he loves it.

“I…” Lukas starts. “I think so.”

“Think so?” Max says, giving Lukas a look.

“Yeah, I…” Lukas takes a deep breath. “Everyone I have been with has either been in the closet, or ashamed of being seen to be with me. No, that sounded wrong. Everyone I have been with has kind of been new to the whole being with another man thing, and we were never open in public, with what we were to each other. It just kind of threw me. It just dawned on me that I have never done this. Holding someone’s hand on the bus. Kissing in public.”

“I love it when you blush,” Tom says quietly, which makes Lukas’s face even redder. He loves it. Tom absolutely loves it. Loves this man who just keeps surprising him with his little truths. His ridiculous statements. His love. His fingers that are quietly stroking Tom’s skin. “And kissing in public is a must. I don’t give a fuck if people don’t like it. I am with you. I am in love with you. You are my partner and if I want to kiss you, I damn well will.”

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