Page 74 of Bull Riders Don't Swoon

“Hey, babe. Everything okay?”

Jamieson stands at the doorway of the kitchen, naked as the day he was born, with his hair sticking in every direction. He’s like an angel lost on his way to a Sleep Country mattress photo shoot. He’s more attractive than anyone should be after rolling out of bed in the early morning hours.

“Okay. That’s an odd word, isn’t it?”

After rinsing my cup, I set it in the sink and when it tumbles over, only then do I notice the shake in my hands.

Jamieson’s calloused palms gently grip my shoulders and turn me around, pulling me into his chest.

“It’s fine if you’re not, Griff. I’m here for you and all you need to do is tell me what you need from me. I’ll try to figure it out, but sometimes I can’t. Apparently, I miss a lot of obvious stuff.”

That draws a small laugh from me, and I clutch at Jamie like he’s the tether keeping me standing.

“I’m nervous and scared. What if he hates me for getting him to rehab? What if the dad I knew before was never there, and it’s just me making stuff up?”

“I think those are all normal things to feel, babe. The only way you’ll get answers is when you visit this afternoon. Whatever youremember of your dad in good times isn’t made up. It might feel like it, but I know it’s not true.”

He presses a kiss to my temple and holds me until my shakes finally disappear.

“Sometimes I wonder if you being here is real or just a dream. This, us, standing here in my kitchen like this is…” Swallowing, I shake my head against his chest. “I was prepared to accept I’d never get to have this with anyone.”

“I’m not perfect, Griff. But I love you, and it hurts that you never met someone to treat you like the amazing man you are.” He kisses my temple again. “I’m also really fucking happy you never did, because I wouldn’t be the one holding you right now.”

A hoarse laugh escapes my lips, and I push back to look at Jamie’s handsome, sleepy face.

“I ate half the strudel.”

“Is that a confession?”

“No. I plan to eat the rest for breakfast without sharing.That’sa confession.”

Jamie laughs before cupping my face and kissing me softly. “Come back to bed. It’s lonely without you.”

“I didn’t want to wake you, sorry.”

He tugs my hand and pulls me back to the bedroom. “You wake me when you’re not there. Somewhere in the last few months, having you next to me in bed is what settles me to sleep. I like knowing you’re close by.”

Jamie pulls the blankets back and slides in, turning to open his arm for me to spoon up next to him.

“Thank you,” I whisper before clutching his arm tight against me.

“Don’t thank me for loving you. It’s my privilege.”

“Griff, hello! I’m Miles. We spoke on the phone about your dad.”

“Hi, Miles.” I take his hand, and he motions for me to sit in a chair opposite his desk. “Thank you for keeping me updated. Is he…is he looking forward to seeing me today?”

“He is. Very much, but before you two have a visit, I wanted to prepare you for what to expect.”

It’s odd to be so nervous to visit Dad. I used to visit with a pit of dread and sadness, wondering what I might walk into at his house, but today that ball in my gut is a writhing pit of anxiety. Why am I not happier about it?

“Your dad is progressing well, and he gave me permission to speak with you.” Miles smiles softly. “He loves you a great deal.”

“I love him too. It’s been hard, but I just…”

“It’s hard to watch a parent decline, and he feels a lot of guilt for what he put on you, Griff. I want you to know that. He’s working hard on that, and it looks like you might have guilt of your own to sort through?”

“I feel like I should have pushed him harder or gotten him here earlier. I always felt like…” The familiar frustration bubbles up, and I wish Jamieson were here to help me get a grip on it.

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