Page 30 of Guarded By the SEAL

I run hot and cold all at once. But only on the inside. On the outside, I plaster on a fake smile and remain as calm as a swan. “Oh, that’s great news. I’m really looking forward to getting back home.”

“Have you decided where you’re going to go? We need to know for our records, that’s all.” She giggles girlishly. “We can’t let you go and be out on the streets now, can we? We have to be careful.”

I can’t go back to my marital home, not that I would anyway because of all the bad memories, but because it has been seized for the criminal activities. I guess more went on right under my nose than I knew. But I’m trying not to get all caught up in that naiveté right now. I already feel like shit.

“There really is only one place I can go,” I tell Mary, still pretending like this isn’t shattering me apart. I don’t know why I’m not being honest with my feelings, but right now, it feels stronger for me to keep it all inside. “I will be returning to my father’s home, my childhood home, because they have finished the searches there now. Thankfully, they didn’t find anything.” Am I saying too much? “Anyway, there.”

I just want someone to talk to, that’s the issue. Anyone to try and process all of this. Going through it all in my mind over and over again isn’t helpful to me. I’m purely getting myself worked up. But I can’t put all of that on Mary. The poor woman is a nurse who has enough going on.

“Can I have the address? You know, just in case any follow-ups are needed. Not that I think it will. You are doing so much better than anyone thought you would. You should be proud of your progress.”

Ha, that’s almost laughable. I might be proud if I wasn’t so sure that the world is about to fall apart around me. But I smile anyway. I smile so hard that my cheeks ache. It gets stuck on my face for a moment, even when she leaves the room, but eventually, it falls as the walls close in around me.

Back home… back to real life. The real challenge starts now. Every challenge that I have ever faced in my life before is nothing compared to this. Now, I’m going to have to see what’s inside me. My dad did want me to live. Of course, I wanted him to stay alive as well, but that didn’t happen. Still, I kinda owe it to him to at least try and survive. I don’t want his death to be in vain. I want to live on his behalf.

“I will try,” I whisper as if my father is out there somewhere listening to me. “I promise.”

“I don’t like this.” I’m speaking to myself now because the silence is too much. “I don’t like it one bit.”

The house doesn’t have the same feel with my father dead. It’s as empty as my heart feels. I don’t really like it. Despite the hot weather, it sends a chill down my spine. I can’t stay here for long, I know that much. I will have to remain here for a little while, but right now, even that feels like too much. “I miss you, Dad.”

This home once brought with it a lot of comfort. I always knew that I was privileged and had a lot, but it wasn’t just the money that made my life feel safe and happy. It was the family I had remaining. I guess because of that, I never envisioned myself surviving one day with no one. With nothing.

I want to claim that safe place once more, that feeling of being looked after, but even though Jake is far away and can’t get to me, I can’t find it. I’m lost. The walls might as well not be here. Even so, I want to at least attempt to get used to it, so I wander from room to room, searching, seeing what I can find.

“A note?” There’s a letter lying on my bedsheets. Well, the bed that I slept in years ago, before I got married. I don’t know what I was looking for and what I expected to find, but this isn’t it. “From Dad?”

Oh, God, now I really feel sick. This could be a note because my father knew what was going to happen to him. Or at least suspected enough to feel like he had to say goodbye. I don’t want to read that. I tiptoe over toward it like it might be a bomb about to explode, and I slowly reach forward to grab hold of it. I might not be shaking quite as much as I found myself tied to that pole, about to lose my life, but I’m trembling enough. It’s hard to look at the writing when I’m in this much of a state. I can’t see anything.

“Oh, Dad.” My eyes blur up from all the tears. “What am I supposed to do? What do you expect of me?”

I climb onto the bed, trying to recreate the ease of my teenage life. I thought that things were tough then, that the end of the world was around every corner. How little I knew. Real life is so much worse.

I can’t open the note right away. I don’t have the strength to do so. Instead, I hug it to my chest and slide my eyes closed. I want to block out the world and cling to the last thing that my father gave to me. It isn’t much, and it certainly doesn’t offer me any comfort, but it’s better than nothing…

My eyes hurt as I finally wake up, like I’ve been crying for hours rather than sleeping, and as soon as I do, a horrible sense of terror sets in. I went to sleep with the note clutched between myfingers and now I have nothing. My hands are empty. I might not have wanted to read it before, but now I’m desperate to.

“Dad,” I cry out as I scramble around in the bed. I don’t think I’ve had a nice sleep because I’ve been thrashing about everywhere, but waking up to nothing is worse. I can’t stand it… “Oh, thank God.”

My pulse stops pounding the moment I grab it. Everything settles and becomes right with the world once more. I know now that I can’t put it off any longer. I have to devour his words right now. Even if they crush me, I need to understand what my father wanted to tell me. I won’t lose out again.

Dear Petra, the letter begins, scrawled in my father’s heart-breaking handwriting.If you’re reading this, then it means the worst has happened. I haven’t wanted it to come to that, but I can see now that I have to be prepared.A lump forms in my throat. No man should ever have to write a letter like this for his child. I am expecting the worst, but as long as you survive, I shall be okay. I can be happy. Just know that as long as you go on to live the happiest life ever, I will be settled on the other side.

My hand smacks to my mouth and I have to pause for a moment. This is far more intense than I thought it would be. Reading those words, knowing what he wants from me… It’s hard to imagine being happy, as happy as I was on the island with Harry, when everything is so shitty. But I really do owe it to him.

Inside my office is a folder, inside my desk drawer. It has everything that you need for evidence. I have collated all that I have for you to help you through a court case, which I can only imagine is coming your way. My will is in there too. Spoiler alert, I have left everything to you. I love you, Petra. So verymuch. I am saddened that this has happened. Please remember me well. Dad.

I can hardly breathe as I get to the end of his words. They are too much for me. All of this is overwhelming. I mean, I’m grateful because the evidence can go straight to the police and they can do whatever they need to with it, but the will is a lot to take in. I don’t know how wealthy this makes me, maybe not very wealthy at all after Jake has finished with us, but I’m not sure it’s what I want, either.

Money has only ever brought me trouble. Do I really need more of it?

24

HARRY

“Pardon?” I say for what feels like the hundredth time. Honestly, this night club is so loud, so thumping, so painful, I’m getting sick of it. And talking to a woman I don’t know is only making that worse. I just can’t seem to shake her. She doesn’t seem bothered that I can’t hear her one bit. “I didn’t catch that.”

“She’s hitting on you,” Benji yells so loudly into my ear, I can’t miss it. “Take the bait, Harry. She’s pretty hot, don’t you think? Look at that hair, and those eyes too. She has an awesome body on her as well.”

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