Page 3 of Shattered Dreams

Yes. Thanks for checking on me. Goodnight.

She replies,Goodnight, Zarah. Please reach out if you need.

I don’t respond. I don’t blame her for what happened between Gage and me. Even if I am in recovery, I’m able to think for myself, and it was my own decision to stop seeing him in favor of exploring new things. I wish he wouldn’t have been so...angry about it. On the other hand, if he would have accepted it nodding and smiling, that would have hurt me too.

Sighing, I admit nothing he did would have made me happy.

I bring up theTruth or Darewebsite one more time. Gage and Sierra are still the top story, the picture and article elicitingthousands of comments. I hate the way she hangs on him, like she has the right to do it. I hadn’t been out of the picture for even twelve hours when that photo was taken, and he already looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.

He didn’t love me.Even as the thought goes through my head, I know it’s not true. I made him cry, talking about it, the first time we made love.

He won’t talk to me, won’t text me. What’s done is done. I screwed up and he’ll be the one who got away. If by some miracle he calms down enough to talk, I’ll be thankful for that, but we’ll never have what we had before. Before I was stupid.

I toss my phone onto my nightstand and squeeze my eyes shut. Tomorrow I’m watching my two favorite people get married. Get married and start their new lives. They’ve waited a long time, and I’m glad they’re going through with the ceremony. I want my brother to be happy, and Stella deserves everything he can give her.

I don’t fall asleep until the early morning hour, and when I do, I have a terrible nightmare Gage is marrying Sierra, and there’s no hope in hell that we’ll ever have another chance.

CHAPTER TWO

Gage

What? You think just because she dumped me that I’m out of the picture? I fucking get to end this my way, and don’t you forget it.

I nurse a beer at home, staring at my black TV screen. Yes, I’m alone, and no, Sierra isn’t here. I didn’t think going out with her would cause such a fucking disaster. Zarah and I hadn’t been together long enough that I got the whole paparazzi treatment. We didn’t do much. Socially, I mean. I preferred the evenings in, having dinner parties with Zane and Stella and walking the dogs afterward or our nights here, the TV on, but not really watching anything, just talking and getting to know each other.

Then Sierra and I go out, and all hell breaks loose. I wanted to poke at her. I knew Zarah heard me invite her to the movies, but I didn’t think I’d have to do damage control. Stella stopping by the office, and even Zane called and asked me what the fuck I was doing.

Not that it’s any of their goddamned business.Shebroke up withme.Excuse me for trying to live my life. It’s not my faultTruth or Dareblasted it online, but Sierra got a kick out of it. She’s never had her fifteen minutes of fame.

I’m lonely without Zarah and I’m constantly thinking about her. What she’s doing. What she’s going to wear to Zane and Stella’s ceremony. When she’s going to LA. What she’ll do there, when she’ll come back.

Do I think we’re done? I mean, donedone.

I have no idea. I hate she let Jerricka fill her head with all that shit, but I’m not going to fight against it. I was angry when she texted me this morning. Not because she texted me, but because of what she said. Her default “I didn’t want to hold you back” doesn’t work for me. I’m old enough to make my own choices, and if I want to let her hold me back, then that’s my decision. More like she didn’t want me holding her back.

Let’s just tell it like it is.

She can miss me and still want what the world has to offer. The problem is, she doesn’t realize she didn’t have to choose. I would have been more than happy to explore the world with her, but I can’t tell her that. It will mean more if she comes to that conclusion on her own...after she dates a few guys.

So I’ll wait, pissed off I can’t pry thoughts of her going to plays and fancy restaurants, assholes like Tate wrapping their arms around her, out of my head.

I’ll use the extra time and figure out Max’s shit.

Okay, fine, I shouldn’t have been so hard on her. I know, we’re back to that. But how do you think I feel? Breaking up with me to date other men. I’m not a fucking saint.Anyguy I know would tell the woman who said that to shove it up her ass where the sun don’t shine.

Zarah’s given me plenty of hints this is something she feels she should do, and if she wants to date around, ask Zane to keep hooking her up, then fine. She’ll realize soon enough no one is going to love her like I did. Do.

I just had to say that. Now, where was I again? Oh, yeah, I’m going to finally sort through Max’s things.

Starting with the journal on the coffee table.

I pick it up and ruffle through it. The only thing I see when I look at the pages are Zarah’s dark eyes, the passion when she comes, the wonder someone has shown her what making love should be like.

And she wants to experience that with another man.

I sigh.

She should, I guess. Her world has been so closed in, but even if I can understand it, that doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt like fuck. I’ll hurt just as much as I’m sure she did seeing Sierra’s and my picture onTruth or Dare. I’m not going to like it, but I’ll tolerate it. Because no matter what I say to the contrary, I still love her.

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