Page 75 of Power Forward

Don’t I deserve to remember how it feels to be overtaken with euphoria when you’re having sex with the love of your life?

I smile at myself. I do deserve it.

And isn’t that a fucking milestone moment?

“I…” I take a deep breath and remind myself,I deservethis.“I have an embarrassing question, but it’s something that I’m hoping you might be able to help put a recommendation forward to my psychiatrist.”

“Okay. You know there are no embarrassing questions, Hayden. This is a safe space for you,” Roberta says softly.

Even though her words bring me a sense of ease, I still shift my gaze to the jellyfish. The lights are green, and they’re back to looking like mini aliens.

“I’ve noticed since I’ve been on this medication, I… uh… struggle to get an erection sometimes. I ended up doing what you told me not to do and looked it up online. And apparently, it’s common for a lot of people, which made me feel a little better because it wasn’t just me, but I also saw there’s some other medications out there which don’t have those same side effects…” I trail off, hoping she will get my ask without me saying the words.

“Yes, it’s common to experience side effects such as a reduced sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and/or ejaculatory dysfunction. There are other medications out there, which I can discuss with your psychiatrist, but one thing I’d like to ask first is, how would you feel if we suggested you weaned off the medication?”

My head snaps back to her, my eyes widening in surprise. “No. I’m not ready for that. The thought of not having them makes me really nervous.”

She bobs her head a few times, making more notes. “Okay, thank you for being honest. But yes, I can give him a call and let him know what we’ve discussed and go from there.”

“Thank you.” I wipe my hands down the front of my pants. “Jackson said it wasn’t a problem, but it is for me, youknow? It might sound ridiculous, but I feel like I’m not pulling my weight in the relationship. He’s okay with it for now, but it’s only been a month. Forever is a long time.”

Her eyes crinkle at the sides as she smiles widely.

“What?” I ask her cautiously.

“Hearing you talk about forever… Yeah, there’s still a negative tone to it, don’t think I missed it, but when you walked through those doors six years ago, you wouldn’t have looked forward even a day, let alone the rest of your life. I’m pleased to see you have this belief in yourself because you deserve forever.”

The back of my eyes burn at the kindness pouring out of every word. She’s right. The person I was six years ago wouldn’t have even considered being in the position I’m in right now. I would have laughed at the suggestion of being back in Jackson’s life. But I’m here. He loves me, and he wants to be with me. Bad days, bad knees, and all.

“Thank you, for everything,” I say to her on a shaky breath. “I wouldn’t be here without you, and I’ll forever be grateful for your faith in me.”

“You’re welcome, Hayden, but you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

We finish up our session, and this time, I give her a hug goodbye. It might be unprofessional, but after the last twenty-four hours, I feel like it was necessary.

And as I get in my car and head to the mall to replace my phone, there’s only one thing on my mind.

Jackson Wilde.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Jackson

I don’t know if it’s true what people say about kids being able to pick up on things or whether my kids decided to be tiny saints this morning because holy shit. When they both climbed into my bed at 3:00 a.m., I had to stop myself from crying. I had Isabela curled up against me on one side and Ryan on the other. They wrapped their little arms around me and didn’t kick me in the balls once.

But now, there’s no possible way of holding back my tears. My hand trembles as I finish listening to the voice message for the third time.

Why… Why did it sound like he was saying goodbye?

I press call on his number again, but it goes to voicemail. All of my texts have gone unanswered. I’ve sent so many messages on Instagram too, but they’re still marked as unread.

What the fuck is going on? He said he wasn’t going to give up on us. He said he was coming back for us.

Resting my forearms on the kitchen counter, I bend forward and bury my face.

“Dad?”

I snap my head up at the sound of Ryan’s voice, quickly wiping away the tears from my cheeks.

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