Page 71 of Power Forward

“You didn’t ruin my life, Hayden.” I curve my hands around his neck. “I need you to listen to me. We put the past in the past. I’m not hurting over that anymore, Hayden,because you know why?” I squat down between his legs until we’re at eye level. “You’ve shown up for me. You’ve shown up for my kids. You’ve shown me that you have a big fucking heart and that you care. You’ve shown me that you’re fucking strong because despite whatever lies your mind is telling you, you were strong, and you got the help you needed.”

Tears fall down my cheeks, but I refuse to wipe them away. I need him to see I’m serious about this. About us.

“I love you, Hayden Issac Cassidy. I’ve always loved you, and I will continue to love you. I’ll love you so fucking hard you won’t ever question it.”

He drops his head and lets out a pained sob.

“I… I need to see Roberta.” His eyes are full of agony when they meet mine again.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I say automatically. Because I will. I’ll drop everything. The kids will be okay with my mom, or maybe Laura can even step up. I’ll call Coach and tell him I can’t play and to scratch me. Fuck the team. Fuck hockey.

But before I can suggest any of it, he shakes his head. My throat is lined thick with emotion. I swallow hard, trying to push the weight down.

“I need to do this on my own, Jax.” His voice is hoarse. “I need to see Roberta. I need to work on some things so I can make sure I’m worthy of you.”

How can I deny him this? He’s telling me what he needs, and that’s to see his therapist. How can I stop him from doing that when he’s clearly in a dark spiral I’m unable to pull him out of? I feel helpless, but I love him too much to let him suffer for my sake.

Taking in a deep inhale through my nose, I dig my teeth into the inside of my lip and angle his face to look me in the eyes. “If this is what you need to do, I will support you with whatever you need. But you’re not giving up on me, Hayden. You’re not giving up onusbecause it’s not just my love you have now. It’s Ryan and Isabela’s. They fucking adore you to the moon, and maybe I’m being a jackass by mentioning how fucking upset they’ll be if you don’t come back, but it’s the truth. You have a family here who love you, Hayden, and you have a home. Here. With us. And we’ll be waiting for you, whenever you’re ready to come home to us.”

“I’m sorry,” Hayden whispers before letting out a heart-wrenching sob.

I catch him in my arms, holding him as tightly and closely as I can. I wish there was something I could do to take away this excruciating internal war he is battling.

My own heart is breaking as I kiss the side of his head over and over, telling him I love him repeatedly while holding him as he crumbles.

By the time I follow him down the stairs to the door, I’m feeling hollow. My eyes are tight from shedding my own tears, and I’m lucky the kids are still in the theater room and won’t witness me about to lose it when the love of my life walks out the door.

I have to trust that he’s coming back. I have to trust that all he needs is to see his therapist and this isn’t him saying goodbye for good.

I have to because I won’t be able to cope if I think otherwise.

I wait while he puts on his shoes and coat, and then I grab him by the lapels and pull him close.

“You’re not giving up on me, Cassidy. I won’t allow it,” I say quietly. “I fucking love you, and I won’t let whatever your head is telling you, get the better of us. Of what we’ve got.”

His gray eyes fill with tears again. He gives a jerky nod and presses a fleeting kiss to my lips before slipping out the door to where a car is waiting for him.

I let out a heavy exhale, running my hands through my hair while I stare at the closed door.

“It was him, wasn’t it?”

I turn around at the sound of Laura’s voice. She looks genuinely distraught, hands wringing in front of her like she always does when she’s worried.

“Your first love. The one from Boston,” she says when I haven’t responded. “The one who broke your heart.”

I nod.

She grimaces. “I’m so sorry, Jackson. I had no idea it was him, but I stand by the things I said.”

“What did you say to him?” I ask, and then she tells me everything.

“I told him the truth, that you were heartbroken and felt abandoned. I thought he knew because you were teammates.”

“Fuck!” I squeeze my eyes closed. I’m not going to tell her he’s been spending the last six years working on himself to believe he is worthy of me because it’s not my story to tell.

“Just because we’re not married anymore doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. He hurt you. Badly.”

“It was fourteen years ago!” I bellow. “And I don’t think you have the right to come in here, into my house, and preach about what you thinkIdeserve.”

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