Page 70 of Power Forward

“Cool. Us too. The cart’s getting heavy.” Blaine goes to push it, but he ends up having to push it with his chest to get it moving.

“Maybe because you’ve got a goalie in there. I don’t think the kids will want that at Christmas,” Zach jokes.

“Oh, that was mean!” Elliot throws a stuffed toy and hits Zach in the face. It falls onto the floor, and both Zach and I stand there, not moving to pick it up. “Noooo! Save the unicorn!”

I’m about to open my mouth to tell him maybe he should get out of the cart and pick it up himself, but Coach Harris rounds the corner and beats me to it.

“Get out of the cart, Olsen,” Coach pipes up from behind us, his own cart overflowing. His eyes land on me. “Daycare. Seriously.”

I smother my laughter with my hands, but I wouldn’t have them any other way.

By the time I pull up to my house, there’s a sense of unease in the pit of my stomach. While I told Laura what happened between me and Hayden, I never told her who he was. I wanted to protect us, protect him, even though we were no longer together. Maybe I broke our vows by keeping it a secret from her, but it was a choice I made, and I don’t regret it.

The house is quiet when I go inside. I can hear noise coming from the theater room in the basement, but the TV in the living room is off. There’s no sound of chatter, and something about it causes my spine to stiffen.

“Hey,” I call out, hanging my coat in the closet.

Laura appears from the kitchen, her eyes wide with worry. “Hi. I, um, I think you need to go check on your friend. I think he might be sick. I didn’t want to go up and see if he was okay, but we were talking, and he went really pale and started sweating. Do you think he’s sick? What if he passed it on to the kids?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to take in everything she just said.

“He’s upstairs?”

She nods, wringing her hands in front of her.

“Okay, I’ll go see him. Are the kids okay?”

“Yeah, they’re watchingInside Out.”

I nod and head up the stairs. I don’t bother knocking on the door to the spare room because we’re beyond that. And while him sleeping in this room is only temporary, he’s still the man I love.

The first thing I notice is his bag on the bed. It looks full, like he’s packed, and then my eyes land on him sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s staring aimlessly at the wall. His eyes are red and puffy behind his glasses. His hands are in his lap, and his nails are short, bitten down as far as they’d go, along with the skin around them. Some look to be bleeding.

I’ve never seen him like this before. So completely… broken.

“Hayden,” I say cautiously. I don’t want to spook him, but I need him to know I’m here for him. Especially if he’s spiraling.

I step in front of him and break his vacant stare with the wall. My heart falls to the pit of my stomach when he looks up at me.

“Cas,” I croak, reaching up to cup his face with my palms, but he flinches. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”

His gaze is distant when his eyes meet mine.

“I ruined your life.”

What?

“No, you didn’t. Where is this coming from?” I furrow my brows, my panic rising.

“Have you ever been so scared of failing someone that you question whether they would be better off without you in their life at all? That you love them so wholly, so fucking completely, that you would give up your life, just to spare them any ounce of pain you might cause them?”

My eyes start to burn. I blink quickly, trying to fight off the tears that are close to falling.

“Hayden, what’s happened?” I ask, but he continues.

“Because that’s how I feel for you, Jackson. I would do anything for you, absolutely anything, and hearing I ruined your life…” He shakes his head as tears begin to fall down his cheeks. “I need to make sure I’m worthy of you, Jackson, because you and your two kids…” He sucks in a ragged breath. Each word is pained when he speaks. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. A family. And I don’t know if I’m too broken to ever make this work.”

My mind is reeling. Did Laura say something to him? That’s the only thing I can think of. He was okay this morning. He seemed happy with the kids this afternoon when I checked in on him after practice. The only thing that could have caused him to spiral was Laura.

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