Page 24 of Sinning for Santa

Yes, it was because I thought I was giving him his dying wish, but it doesn’t change the fact that I did that. I still gave in and pressed my lips to his despite the fact he’s not my fiancé.

I internally scoff. Eddie thinks kissing before we are married is a sin.

“Eddie isn’t like that,” I rush out, for some reason trying to defend the man that isn’t even here, that would so quickly throw me under the bus and shame me for my thoughts and desires. For my attendance at such a club.

“Your fiancé doesn’t like sex clubs?” Devon asks, surprise lacing his tone, like it’s absurd.

“He’s a very religious man.” I point out.

“Is that why you go to church, little mouse? For your fiancé?”

I want to say no, but the fact of the matter is that is exactly why I go to church. It’s exactly why I’ve been going to church since I was fourteen years old. For Eddie. For his parents.

“Like I said, he’s a very religious man.”

The car is now surrounded by darkness, not a light in sight as we travel further into the country. I still have no idea if I can take his word that he won’t kill me, but I have to hope that wherever he is taking me, isn’t to my grave.

“Am I to take it that your fiancé, given he is such a religious man, also doesn’t believe in premarital sex?”

Oh my God, is he really going there?

I want to slap myself just for wondering that because of course he is going there. He’s been on a mission to get inside my head, to see my darkest thoughts since the moment we got inside this car.

“You don’t need to know that. It’s not part of my confession.” I rebuke, but he just snickers.

“Since your life is in my hands, little mouse, then you’ll tell me what I want to know,” he snaps, an air of danger lacing his tone.

Goddammit.

“Fine,” I huff. “Eddie doesn’t believe in premarital sex, okay? Are you happy? Does that make you feel better?”

“Fuck, no. That only makes me feel sad for you. That your arsehole fiancé has been holding out on you. No wonder you’re going to a club.”

“That’s not why I go to the club.”

“Isn’t it?”

I worry my lip as I consider it. It’s absolutely why I go to the club. My curiosity got the better of me. Watching things online just wasn’t cutting it anymore. I wanted real. I wanted to see how people actually behave when they aren’t in front of a camera filming a scene. I wanted to see it in the flesh since it seems so far from anything I’ve experienced.

“I guess perhaps it’s part of why I go,” I admit, but I don’t dare look at him.

I can see in my peripheral that he watches me every now and then, dragging his eyes from the road. But I can’t bear to see those dark eyes. Smouldering, sinfully dark eyes.

“Are you a virgin, little mouse?” he asks, and I nearly choke on my own saliva as my gaze darts back in his direction.

“That is none of your business,” I snap, and he chuckles.

“Actually, right now itismy business. Answer me,” he demands and another shiver runs up my spine.

I hate him.

“Fine, if you must know, no, I’m not a virgin.”

“Huh. Why do I feel like you’re lying?”

Shame engulfs my cheeks as memories swarm me. I have never told anyone this. As far as everyone knows, I am a virgin and I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to explain it to Eddie on our wedding night.

Will he notice the lack of blood?

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