Page 55 of Zachary

With a man? I never asked, are you bi? Pan?

This is excruciating. If I didn’t need their help so much, I’d just give up.

Sophie:

You’re all idiots. Ronan, are you asexual?

Thank fuck, something I can actually answer.

No. I want to have sex. I just never have.

Fabian:

I still don’t get it. Not ever?

Sophie:

Some people don’t, Fabian. That’s valid.

Fabian:

No, I get that. I know what ace is and I respect it. If you don’t want it, you don’t want it. Everyone needs to have fun for sex to be good, right? But Ronan says he wants it.

Sophie:

All our lives take different paths. We don’t all make the same choices or have the same opportunities. It’s not important that Ronan didn’t have sex before. What matters is that he wants to now and is ASKING FOR OUR HELP

For the first time, the reminder that other people know about my past—who I was, what I did—doesn’t make me flinch. Instead, I answer Dustin’s question.

I’m gay. I’ve only ever been attracted to men. And porn with women doesn’t do much for me unless I’m focused on the guy.

Hagen:

Is Zac pressuring you for sex?

I laugh out loud.

No. Zac’s amazing. I said I wanted to go slow and he’s never pushed for more. That’s part of the problem now. I don’t know how to show him I’m ready.

Fabian:

That’s easy. Strip naked and say ‘wanna fuck?’

Dustin:

Or just strip naked. That usually does it for me. Sometimes I pretend to be reading too. That drives Rob WILD

I’m sure they’re right about that. And okay, I can do that. I know Zac wants me—I have no fear of rejection.

But then what? I want it to be good for him. I don’t want to be some stupid virgin who knows nothing and he has to do all the work. I’m not even sure if I want to top or bottom.

Sophie:

This is outside my field of expertise, so I’m going to let the others handle it. But, from a medical perspective, you know the lube spell, right? If you don’t, make sure one of these fools teaches you.

The lube spell? That sounds like it could be useful.

Thanks, Sophie. Do we need to use condoms? I haven’t seen any here, but all the porn I’ve watched has them.

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