Page 33 of Born in the Spring

I shake my head with a laugh around more devouring bites until I’m empty handed, but fuller bellied, and licking off the last of the sticky.

Vanessa finishes off her pear and tosses the core to the trash can. “How was your girls’ day withAmie?”

“Grocery day with Amie,” I correct, fisting a fruit from the top of the pile and feigning throwing it at her for her offenseon this one. “And she needed it.”

“I know she did.” Vanessa’s understanding is back, a small smile attached. “I just missed you too.”

I replace the fruit with her hand in mine, giving it a squeeze. “I’m staying here,” I repeat, this time as an assurance.

She smacks the back of my hand with her free one, then I replace my grip on her with a grip around my plate as I take it to the sink. Toast, butter, and jam is going to become a definite staple again.

“How rough was the night?”

“Pretty rough,” I answer over the spewing of the faucet as I wash the plate. “But it’ll get better,” I say lower, mostly to myself.

“It already has. You being back has really livened up Amie. . .” She pauses, then adds, with a lilt to her voice, “And Jasper.”

I dry my hands as her mention of Jasper brings up the news I heard this morning. “Why did I have to hear fromCourtthat Jasper’s quit snowboarding?”

“I thought Amie would’ve told you.” There’s an apology in her words from the accusation in mine, that I let go and brush away with a sigh, because no one’s at fault. I couldn’t have done anything for him while I was away and we weren’t talking. But the hitch in my heartbeat over him quitting something he loves and my not being here for him is there anyway.

“It’s a shame,” she laments as I put away the dishes, the next hitch in my heartbeat agreeing with her. “He’s so good at it.”He’s amazing out there.“And he looks good riding too.”He looks good doing anything.

The thought is sudden, trailing from hers, but I don’t give it to her. I only gave it to myself, before I pushed it down, oncehe was out of his teenage years. I almost gave it to him in the same moment, but I didn’t, because it would’ve been another inappropriate thing to say. Though what Ididtell him could be considered just as so. But the fact is, I’m not blind, and you’d have to be to not see how attractive he is.

Shepherd was too.

“I always thought he had a face that should be illegal,” Vanessa goes on, and the cupboard door smacks closed as I drop the handle, meeting that inappropriate lilt that’s back in her voice and now on her face, with my face flat, as she gibes, “Think he’d go for an older woman?”

I spot some crumbs left behind on the island and get to work cleaning those up. “Stop what you’re doing.”

“What am I doing? I’m just happy to see everyone trying to be happy again.” She grabs my hand, pausing my sweeping of the crumbs, and waits for me to find her widened, steady stare. “You deserve to be happy again.”

My smile is small as I tug my hand back, and I move to the trash can to dust the crumbs off inside. I’ll wipe down the island when I get back.

“Lunch break’s over,” I say as a light push so I can rush off, search around for Jasper like I planned to do once I was finished eating.

“No need sugar coating kicking me out,” Vanessa says with ahmphas she follows me into the living room, then yanks up her jacket to put it on as I go for mine where it hangs on the coat rack. “If you’re looking for Jasper. . .” She pauses in knowing. “Last I saw, he was in the gift shop. With Robin.”

“Ah,” I release as a sigh, my voice light again as I hear myself asking, “Are they back together?” It’s a genuine question. And Vanessa’s bringing her up. Jasper didn’t tell mewhen theyfirststarted dating. I had to find out from Shepherd.

“No.” Vanessa laughs, walking up behind me as I bend to tug on my boots. “I know you didn’t forget why they were together and why they broke up.”

I stomp my foot into my second boot, then spin for the door. “I didn’t.”

Fourteen

Elara

The main lodge is filled with families when I walk through the door. I return my hands to the pockets of my jacket with a sigh as I take in the crowd. Their smiles. Their happy and relaxed chatter. Their moving forward.

My heart feels like it’s expanding and shrinking at the same time. And like this morning, the burn in my chest—that I’ve concluded is now a permanent sear—flares only a moment over the sight before it simmers back to a dulled state.

Zacharias is at the piano, chatting up someone in a beanie, when he glances over and spots me. His smile widens, which pulls at mine, then he watches me and the person he’s talking to like he’s caught in a choice, and I make it for him with a wave to keep talking. We’ll catch up later.

My eyes look over the space for a few more beats before I look toward the gift shop, finding Jasper as soon as I do. The door is propped open, inviting people in, and I watch him at the counter, leaning as he entertains the customer Robin’sringing up with his enthusiastic words and his smile, this sight pulling at mine more.

He’s told me about my different smiles he’s noticed before, and I’m now reminded he has two. One for me. One for everybody else.

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