Page 133 of Altered

He opened his eyes then, and turned to face me. "What are you waiting for?"

"I don’t know," I replied honestly.

"I deserve it," he whispered.

I nodded. "Yeah, you do."

"Is…" He closed his eyes and I watched a lone tear roll down his cheek. "Is she okay?"

"She was raped by a monster she trusted. How the fuck would she be okay?"

He flinched at my words.

Good, he fucking deserved them.

"I didn’t know what I was doing that night," he choked out. "I was drunk and high and completely fucked in the head."

"I don’t care."

"I don’t even remember," he whispered.

"I don’t care."

"I never wanted to hurt her."

"I came here to kill you."

"I know," he whispered. "I've been waiting for you…hoping you'd come."

"I've been going through it in my mind for months now," I explained calmly, though how I was calm right now was beyond me. "All the different ways I could do it. The countless ways I could end your life." Shifting, I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my thighs. "But I realized something tonight." I studied his gaunt face and shook my head. "There's nothing to end, is there?"

"You should just do it," he croaked out.

"For the past thirteen years, I've never hesitated." I looked him dead in the eye. "I've never cared."

"You don’t care about me," he bit out.

"No. I don’t. But I love her," I told him. "Icareabout her. And she cares aboutyou."

He flinched again. "She shouldn’t."

"But she does," I confirmed. "So, for her sake, you better be worth sparing."

"I'm not worth it," he whispered. "I'mnothing."

"I agree," I told him, keeping my eyes trained on his. "But she doesn’t. So maybe she's right. Maybe there's something worth saving in there," I added. "Not with Hope. That's been dead in the water before I even met her. But with someone else. Or somewhere else." Shrugging, I leaned back in the chair and sighed. "Then again, maybe I'm right, and you really are a worthless piece of shit that deserves nothing less than to suffer for the rest of your junkie, rapist life."

"I don’t want your advice," he strangled out. "I want you to put me out of my goddamn misery."

"I'm not going to do that for you," I replied, realizing that I had made my decision. "I'm not giving you the easy way out."

"Are you afraid?" he goaded, desperate.

"I want you to know something." Standing slowly, I kept my eyes on his. "I want you to know that even though you've hurt that woman beyond redemption in my eyes, she still tried toprotect you. You've got a father and a mother frantic with concern, because they love you." Shaking my head, I added, "You've got more than most. Remember that."

And then I turned around and walked away.

"Can you tell her something for me?" he called out hoarsely. "Can you tell her it's not mine?"

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