Page 262 of Keeping 13

Reluctantly, he did as I asked and my heart sank. “Joe.” Tightening my hold on his hand, I stared up at his bloodshot eyes in despair. “Why?”

“Just get off my back, Shan,” Joey grumbled, yanking his hand away to run it through his hair. “I’m fine.” Shaking his head, he turned and stalked into the kitchen, ignoring Mam and Darren who were sitting at the table.

“Joey!” Mam sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh, thank god.”

“Mother,” he drawled sarcastically. “You’re keeping well?”

Darren jumped to his feet and closed the space between them, dragging our brother into a fierce hug. Joey remained rigid the entire time, hands balled into fists at his sides, not hugging him back. Pulling back, Darren frowned. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you shaking?” Cupping his cheek with one hand, Darren inspected his eyes before releasing a growl. “For fuck’s sake, Joey!” Furious, he roughly shoved him away and paced the floor. “What the hell is the matter with you?”

“What’s wrong?” Mam croaked out.

“What’swrong?” Darren spun around to glare at her. “What’s wrong is your son is back on drugs!”

Mam’s eyes widened. “W-what?”

Shaking his head, Joey moved to the fridge, pulling out his usual can of Coke and the packet of cooked ham for a sandwich, dutifully ignoring Darren and Mam as he went.

“Is this true?” Mam demanded, springing to her feet. “Joey?”

“I’m not back on drugs,” Joey grumbled.

“Yeah, because you were neveroffthem to begin with, were you?” Darren demanded.

Joey rolled his eyes. “You’re all overreacting.”

“You’re high,” Darren spat out. “Again.”

“And you’re an asshole,” Joey countered. “Again.”

“What are youdoing, Joey?” Mam hissed, stalking toward him. Grabbing the can of Coke out of his hand, she slammed it down on the counter and shook her head. “Why would you put that stuff in your body again?”

“You’re one to talk,” he shot back, laughing humorlessly. “Drowning yourself in Prozac and Valium.”

“Prescribedto me by a doctor,” Mam choked out. “Not the thugs from the terrace.”

“Okay, Mam.” He rolled his eyes again. “Whatever you say.”

“Is it Shane Holland?” Mam growled. “Is he sniffing around again?”

“Jesus Christ, what do you care?” Joey hissed. “Everyone get off my fucking back.”

“No, I won’t get off your back,” Darren barked. “You’re back on drugs, you’ve been expelled from school, you’re off the hurling team—” His words broke off and he threw his hands up. “You are ruining your life!”

“I don’t have a life!” Joey roared, dropping the packet of ham he was trying to open. “I’ve never had a life.”

“Well, life or not, if you keep this up, you’re going to turn into him,” Darren snarled. “You’re going to end up becoming the one thing you hate most in the world.”

“Darren, shut up!” Swallowing the lump in my throat, I rushed over to him. “Joey, shh, it’s okay.” I was watching his downward spiral and felt more helpless than I had when our father roamed the house. “Don’t listen to him, okay? It’s not true. You’re going to be okay—”

“Stop fucking saying that, Shannon!” he choked out, red-faced. “Nothing’s okay.Nothing!” Running his hands through his hair in frustration, he choked out another humorless laugh. “You know, I sat in that cell for hours, thinkinghowdid this happen to me—” His voice broke and he dragged in a trembling breath before continuing. “How did I end up the way I am—all fucked up in the head. But then I called you,” he added, lip wobbling as he locked eyes on Mam. “I called you to come help me and youdidn’tpick up.” A lone tear trickled down his cheek. “And then I knew. I said to myself,That’s how.That’s how I turned out like this.” Sniffling, he locked eyes on Mam. “Because youbrokeme!”

Mam choked out a sob. “That’s not true.” Shaking her head, she hissed, “Take it back.”

“You fucked my head up worse than heeverdid,” Joey roared into her face. “He hurt me, but youwreckedme. He used his fists, but you?” Joey tapped his finger against his temple. “You got in myhead. Youbrokemy mind. I don’t work right anymore and it’s because your voice is stuck in my head. The sound of you crying and begging me to help you is all I can hear. Every time I close my eyes, you’re there. In my head. Crying for me. Begging me. Screaming‘Save me, Joey. Save me.’ But I couldn’t ever save you, Mam. I couldn’t save you because you didn’twantme to! Youwantedhim to be here! Youwantedall of this to happen—”

Mam’s hand shot out so fast that Joey didn’t have a chance to react before her palm smacked against his cheek loudly. “Don’t you dare blame me!” she choked out. “I did everything I could for you and your brothers and sister.”

“You did everything you could forhim,” Joey hissed. “You can’t lie to me, remember? I see right through you—”

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