Page 49 of Lock Me Out

I have my own opinions about whether it’s a good idea for her to go out and pretend to be normal today. After what happened last night, it’s probably safer to keep her here, at home. Who knows what could set her off? She’d hate it if she knew I was thinking about her like this—like she’s fragile, like she needs to be sheltered—but she’s too unstable right now, and I don’t want her breaking down again in public.

“I could use a personal day,” she decides before sinking her teeth into a thick piece of bread. Her eyes slowly close and her face goes slack. “Oh, my god,” she groans.

“I hope that’s a good sign?” I ask.

“It’s orgasmic.”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anybody say something like that without laughing, but she means it, cutting another bite and practically jamming it into her mouth this time. Syrup drips on her chin—it’s amazing how even something as simple as that can make me hungry for something other than food. If I want to be careful with her, that means taking it easy with the physical stuff until she’s feeling better. So instead of leaning over to lick it off her skin, I hand her a napkin and point to the drip.

“So, what do you want to do on your personal day?” Nix asks.

With a shrug, she mumbles, “I don’t know. Maybe watch movies? Could we order food?”

“You’re still eating, and you want to order food?”

“You know what I’m saying,” she says, and I almost can’t believe how good it feels when she rolls her eyes. Like she’s already feeling more like herself. I spent all night on one sofa while Nix camped out on the other, staring at the ceiling and wonderingwhat we could do to make up for what happened yesterday. It looks like this is a good start.

“Yeah, we can order food later on. Whatever you want. You don’t even have to get dressed,” I offer. “You can bring the blankets and pillows and kind of camp out on the couch all day.”

“Yeah, I would like that.”

And then she smiles, and it’s almost unfair. How am I supposed to remember to breathe when she looks happy for the first time in days? That’s all I want. How could it be that simple? All my life, I assumed what other people called love was just made-up shit for movies, to sell candy and diamond rings on Valentine’s Day. If anybody told me happiness could come from something as simple as loving somebody and seeing them smile, I would’ve laughed my ass off at them.

But here I am, almost hanging on her every word and action like my whole life depends on it. In a way, that’s how it feels. That’s who she’s turned me into. I don’t hate it, even if I don’t know what to do with the feeling.

When she’s finished eating, she looks down at herself and wrinkles her nose. “I need a shower.” Her smile slips, and pain touches the corners of her eyes. Maybe she thinks I don’t notice, but it’s too obvious—and when I shoot a quick look at Nix, it’s clear he sees it, too. She’s remembering yesterday.

“Yeah, do that,” I tell her. Am I being over the top? Trying too hard? I honestly don’t know. “Or take a bath, even. Light a candle, act like you’re at the spa. We can get the living room set up for you.”

The sight of tears in her eyes is like a kick in the chest. So much for that idea. The whole point was to keep her from crying today.

But there’s a smile, too, even if it’s shaky. “Thank you. Both of you. This is just what I needed.” She actually seems excited when she gets out of bed and heads for the bathroom.

Once the water is running, Nix leans against the wall and lets out a sigh. “That was a close one. I thought we lost her there.”

“I know. But she’s strong.” That doesn’t mean we can’t be careful with her, though, since there’s still that fragility underneath. I would kill to protect this woman. I would stop at nothing for her happiness. All I want or need is for her to believe that… and maybe forget the past, though I know that’s not easy. It might be asking for too much.

By late afternoon, the three of us are sacked out, and nobody really needs to say anything. It’s enough to be here, hanging out, pretending the rest of the world has gone away for a while. Leni watches TV with her head on my shoulder, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. How can something so simple fill me with so much relief? Knowing she feels like she can be normal around us after the way we broke her down—it’s like a gift I don’t deserve. I don’t deserve her at all.

Between episodes of the baking show she chose, I pause the TV and get up, stretching after sitting in the same spot for so long. “I think we have some popcorn. Anybody want some?”

“Oh, definitely.” She gives me a grateful smile, drawing her legs up under the blanket before pulling her phone from the pocket of her hoodie. “I should check in with Piper. She’s probably wondering where I am.”

“Try not to burn it,” Nix adds, lying on his back with his ankles crossed over the arm of the sofa. I’ve seen him like that so many times—there’s something so familiar about all of this, and it’salmost enough to make me wonder if I needed this as much as Leni did.

“Why don’t you come in here and pop it yourself if you don’t think I can handle it?” I ask him. “Maybe get off your ass and help out a little bit.”

“Boys, boys.” Leni clicks her tongue and shakes her head with a giggle. “You better be careful, or I’ll have to separate you.”

I can see us doing this for a long time. It’s a surprising thought. Planning on forever with Leni is one thing, but bringing Nix into it? When I search myself, waiting for the microwave, it feels right.

I just don’t have the first fucking clue how we would make it work. I don’t share—passing her back and forth in bed is one thing, but in real life? I don’t know how I could handle that. But I see the way he looks at her. He wants her.

Maybe as more than somebody to control and humiliate.

“Oh, my god!” I spin around in time to see Leni drop her phone and cover her face with her hands. “Why? Why are they doing this?”

Nix is next to her in a heartbeat, putting an arm around her shoulders. “What is it?” Meanwhile, I pick up her phone to look at whatever freaked her out.

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