Page 48 of Lock Me Out

“I think you’re taking it too far.”

“I don’t think I am.” Since I can’t stab him, I stab some of the noodles with my fork, not that it helps. “Look at where we came from. He was obviously seriously fucked in the head. What if there’s no way to change? What if this is who we are, and that’s it?”

“What if it’s not? What if we can decide who we are? Besides,” he continues before I can say a word, “we didn’t only come from Dad, did we? There was somebody else. We came from Mom, too, and she’s a good person.”

It’s funny. I want to be annoyed with him for being right, but I can’t when his words actually make me feel a little better. “I didn’t think about it that way.”

“I didn’t think you would. That’s why I’m here to do the thinking for you.”

That, I would always expect from him. “Okay, since you have all the answers, what comes next? Where do we go from here?”

“Keep going like everything’s normal,” he decides, eating slowly, thoughtfully. “Give her space, be gentle with her.”

“Me, gentle?” I know we’ve been talking about learning how to be different, but that seems like a lot to ask.

“You’ll get the hang of it.” He smirks. “I’m here if you need help getting your shit together. Sort of like one of those sponsors in AA. You’re feeling weak, come to me.”

I’m about to laugh at him when he pulls out the big guns. “And if that doesn’t work, just ask yourself what Mom would think.”

Well, shit. “Better than a cold shower, I bet,” I murmur.

“I bet it is.” Sounds like he’s joking, but there’s intensity in his eyes, boring holes through me. “You can do it. We both can.”

I know he’s right… even if it doesn’t quite feel that way. Even if I doubt myself.

22

COLT

Here goes nothing.

After tapping on the bedroom door with my foot, I swing it open, smiling like I didn’t watch the girl I love break down sobbing last night. “Good morning.”

“What is this?” Leni sits up in bed, blinking hard and covering her mouth with one hand before she yawns. “God, what time is it?” she asks, rubbing her eyes.

“Past nine,” I tell her, setting a tray of food on her lap once she’s settled in against the pillows behind her.

“How are you feeling?” I ask carefully.

“Okay,” she answers after a moment. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Please don’t do this, don’t blame yourself for our fuck up. We’re the assholes who went too far. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“We took things too far. We should be more aware of what triggers you,” Nix chimes in. “We’re sorry.”

Leni nods, but doesn’t say anything else for a while. Nix and I simply stand in front of the bed, waiting for her directions.

When she finally speaks again, her voice still sounds tired. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. I want to forget it and move on.”

“Okay,” I agree with her, though I know this is not healthy. She should talk about it, if not with us, then with someone else. She needs to heal, and I need to figure out a way to help her without making it worse.

She runs her hands through her hair, then yawns again. “I shouldn’t be tired after sleeping as much as I did. I can’t believe it’s already after nine. I should be getting ready for class.” Though she looks pretty interested in the food Nix and I made for her. “This smells amazing.”

“I was thinking maybe we could skip class today.” Glancing at Nix, standing in the doorway, I take a seat on the edge of the bed. “Let’s just hang out today. What do you think? We can do whatever you want.”

“Really?” I can tell she’s interested by the way her eyes light up. “You think that’s safe? I thought we were supposed to pretend everything’s normal.”

“What’s not normal about skipping class?” Nix asks, chuckling. “I probably skipped more classes than I attended.” She smirks and shakes her head at him before picking up the utensils and cutting into the French toast.

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