Page 12 of Not Catching Love

“Good. Wear something slutty for me.”

I flip him off and grab some cake for myself.

Given that I’ve gotten through the whole day with no phone calls from the pharmacy, I’m taking that as a good sign. Would I like to see Xander for my birthday? I’d like to see him every day, but it’s selfish of me. The longer it goes between visits, the better; I just wish I wasn’t always waiting around for them. At one point, my life used to be fun.

In college, I was constantly at frat parties and hooking up. I took road trips at a moment’s notice, stole mascots from our rival school, was always up for a dare or a stupid decision … when did I get soold?

“I’m stuffed more than a star stripper’s thong,” Constantine announces. The couple beside us glances over, and I give them a tensedon’t listen to himwave.

And there I go being an old man again.

It’s almost instinctual at this point, and I wonder if I can get that fun guy back or if he’s well and truly dead.

“Question,” I start cautiously, half-convinced I’m going to fuck myself over with this. “Want to check out a different club tonight?”

“New dick pool? Sure.”

“Do you know of any with … cage dancing? Or stages? Platforms? That anyone can use?” It’s been a long time since I made a spectacle of myself, so why not now?

The smile that stretches across his face is wicked. He’s trying to grow a mustache that hasn’t completely caught on, and instead of making him look older, it makes him look maniacal.

“I bet I could find one. Are you going to give me a show?”

“Not sure yet.” I rub at the stubble on my jaw. “I want to try something different, maybe get back some of the fun I used to have.”

“Before a certain blue-haired man turned you into a prisoner in your own house?”

“Shut the fuck up. This was way before Xander. Before Istarted working in a pharmacy and realized how messed up things are for people. Maybe I grew a heart. Or got jaded.”

“Well, I’m going to find your jaded ass a club where you can get up and shake your chaps to your ass’s content.”

“I won’t be wearing chaps, but thanks for assuming I own some.”

“A harness?”

That gets a laugh from me. “What part of my vanilla, boring-as-hell existence do you think took a break to buy a harness?”

“I’ll bring one for you. Show off that chest—you’ll have all the gays drooling.”

Well, if I don’t get in a cage, that’s a mild way to draw attention amongst all the other men who’ll be wearing one. “Fine. It’s my birthday, fuck it.”

Constantine fist pumps. “Wait until Susan finds out about this.”

“Susan willnotfind out about this.”

“I’m going to take pictures, just for her.”

My hand slides over my face as I remind myself he’s teasing. Susan is a constant thorn in my side and the only customer assistant rep who refuses to call me when Xander comes in. She’s made it clear she thinks there’s somethinguntowardgoing on between us, and I hate that she’s not completely wrong. I also hate that of the two of us, she’s the one in the right.

So tonight, I’m giving myself afuck itmoment. I’m going to pretend I’m back in college again. No responsibilities. No constant worry about the future and what’s next. No yearning to travel and not being able to leave a ten-minute radius from my house.

Mid-life crisis, here I come.

I might even turn my phone off.

There’s no way Iwill, but I can pretend.

Constantine and I part ways after he pays for dinner, and I head home to get ready.

---