Page 107 of Lotus

My little friend is perched a few yards away, nibbling something between her two front paws. She faces me, her dark, beady eyes fixed on mine, as if she’s waiting for me to summon her over.

It’s most certainly Athena. I can feel it in my bones. Not many raccoons are active during daylight hours, and hardly any would be so bold as to engage with me.

“Athena,” I whisper, my voice laced with invitation. “You’ve come back.”

The raccoon approaches, slowly at first, and then prances the rest of the way until she’s latched onto my leg. My sour mood disintegrates in her company.

“I’ve missed you, Athena,” I tell her, petting her furry head and watching as she nuzzles against my shin. “I’ve been so worried.”

She climbs onto the cement stoop, sitting beside me like a person would. I’m in awe of her intelligence, as well as her ability to connect with a human being. It’s not particularly normal, and it’s certainly not common. She is an enigma.

My cellular phone begins to vibrate in my front pocket, and I fish it out, glancing at the screen. I’m surprised to see her name, wondering why she wouldn’t just speak to me in the flesh. I’m right outside her window.

Sydney:You didn’t say it back.

A frown pinches between my eyes as I read over her words, my hand still combing the space amid Athena’s ears.

I didn’t saywhatback?

These riddles and ambiguous messages are confusing to me, causing me to scratch my head and sift through all of our prior conversations. Athena noses my ribs, and I can’t help but smile as my mind wanders. She does it again, and for some reason, I’m compelled to look up.

Sydney stands at her office window, staring down at me, fingertips pressed up against the glass.

And somehow, right then, her implication dawns on me. My stomach twists into knots.

Love.

I never told her I loved her.

T W E N T Y – F I V E

LOTUS

The word is scrawled across my arm in black marker. I don’t know why it’s there or what it means. This memory is buried too deep.

“Did you write it on your arm, Oliver?”

Dr. Malloy questions me gently as flashes of the basement course through my mind. “I don’t… I can’t recall.”

“Is this an important word? Does this flower represent a piece of your childhood or a defining moment in your life?”

Lotus, lotus, lotus…

“You’re gonna be all right, kid. I just need to figure this out.”

It’s my first night in that underground cell. Feelings of terror and confusion ripple through me as I scoot back on my butt until I’m pressed into a dark corner. I wrap my arms around my knees, then bury my face between the valley they form. “I’m scared, sir. When can I go home?”

The man paces back and forth over the stone floor.

Back and forth. Back and forth.

He’s pulling at his hair, his skin glistening with sweat. “This is a mess. This is a goddamn mess…” he mutters to himself. “What the hell have I done?”

“I want my mom. I want Syd,” I plead.

“You gotta stop talking. I’m trying to think.”

Tears begin to leak down my face. “What’s your name?”

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