Page 22 of Denial

“I’m sorry, Morgan. I still don’t understand what that has to do with me. We don’t know anything about one another. I don’t believe anyone in the clubhouse with the exception of Jinx knows about you,” I say, not sure where Morgan sees this conversation going as she stops pacing and looks up at me with wide eyes.

“I know you, and everyone else in the clubhouse, believes Jinx and I have a relationship. We don’t. There is nothing between us but a friendship. Jinx is the first person I could trust that didn’t expect anything in return for any secrets I spilled or that I needed him more than anyone else in this club. Jinx gave me his time, attention, and would just sit with me in silence if that’s what I needed at the time. So, with getting the kind of attention from a person that I’d been denied my entire life, I latched on to Jinx and didn’t really think about how anyone else would think or feel about what they were seeing between the two of us.

“Over the last several months, Jinx has opened up multiple times about the way he feels for you and I still didn’t step back to let the two of you work through your issues to develop a relationship. My only thought until recently was that I didn’t want to lose the only friend I had in Pine View or the Phantom Bastards clubhouse. I’m sorry, Hope. I’ve taken months from the two of you and it’s not right. That’s why I’ve been avoiding him as I continued to heal and remained in my room where no one would see me,” she informs me and I respect the fact that she’s telling me the truth of what was going through her mind when it comes to Jinx.

“What exactly happened, Morgan? No one really knows I guess. I know none of the girls do. All we know is that after a call from you, Jinx disappeared and spent weeks in your room with you all alone,” I ask her as she steps up closer to my bed and grabs onto the footboard as if she’s anchoring herself.

“My ex showed up when I was out shopping one day. He beat the fuck out of me and left me alone to die or suffer even more. The only reason he didn’t take me with him is because it was the middle of the day and people were around. My ex wants me back because he can’t stand to let anyone get the better of him. To him, I’m nothing more than property and by me escaping, it means he’s failed. He can’t stand to fail for any reason.

“Jinx is a good man and I know that he loves you so much, Hope. He wants to be with you, but he’s got this fear that he’s not good enough to be the man you need him to be. Jinx is always striving to be the best version of himself and I know there are things about him that you don’t know. The man he’s portrayed himself to be isn’t who he truly is. I might not know you and I won’t ever claim to know all of Jinx’ secrets, but he will treat you better than anyone else and shower you with all the love he has to give on a daily basis. He’ll protect you, care for you, and make sure you know you’re the only woman in his world. You’ll be the center of his life and he’ll give up everything for you. I wish I had a man like that in my life, Hope. You’re so damn lucky.

“Besides, what no one knows is that I have my eye on someone. No, he doesn’t know how I feel about him and I’m not about to tell him. I’m not good enough for any man to be with and I’ve accepted that as my fate in life. I’ve been used and abused and it’s eaten away at anything good that I ever wanted to be in my life. I’m a shell of the woman I wanted to be growing up and that’s okay. Not all of us get the happily ever after we crave to have. That’s why nothing would ever happen between Jinx and myself. I won’t taint him with the woman I am today and knowing that he loves you the way he does means I’d never step on your toes and take him from you. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a homewrecker. I’m sorry that I haven’t shown that side of myself since being saved, Hope,” Morgan says as tears roll down her face and my heart shatters for her because this woman is better than I ever thought possible.

“Morgan, please don’t let yourself feel that way. If anyone deserves to have someone love her, it’s you. You’ve been through hell and back your entire life and it seems as if you’ve fought for every ounce of freedom and strength you have. The man you want to be yours will be yours if you open up and risk talking to him. And if he can’t see what a great person you are, then he doesn’t deserve you. I might not know what’s gonna happen between Jinx and myself, but I do know what a good man he is. He’s always been one of the best and that’s why I fell in love with him over the years.

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Morgan. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’ve suffered through. If I were in your shoes, I’m sure I’d have latched onto the first person who was genuinely kind to me as well. I promise that I’ll listen to Jinx and let him tell me what he’s been trying to say without pushing him away. I can honestly tell you now that I wasn’t letting him talk to me because I felt like a homewrecker and thought that the two of you were keeping your relationship a secret or something. Even the Phantom girls were saying how you landed the VP of the club and he was going to claim you as his ol’ lady,” I tell Morgan, meaning every word to her as she searches for the truth. “If you’re open to it, I’d like to get to know you once all of this shit settles down and I come back to the clubhouse. And it really doesn’t surprise me to know that Jinx was watching over you as you started to heal from your ex’s attack. That’s how he was raised and the kind of man he’ll always be.”

“I’d like that, Hope. Thank you for listening to me. I’m sorry to ambush you the way I did, but I knew I was running out of time to give you my side of how things are between Jinx and me,” she says as the bathroom door opens and Jinx steps into my room.

Jinx’ eyes go straight to Morgan at the end of my bed and I can see the annoyance flashing before he slips the blank mask back in place.

“What are you doin’ here, Morgan?” Jinx asks, walking up to my bed as his eyes run from my head to toes and back up again as if he’s searching for some kind of injury that she’s caused while he’s been in the shower.

“I had to talk to her, Jinx. Hope deserves to hear it from me about what was going on between the two of us. You need to tell her the truth and I knew the only way she’d listen to you is if I came in here to talk to her. She knows just a little more than you do about me now and I don’t regret opening up to her if it means the two of you can work your shit out. Please don’t be mad at me, Jinx. I did this for you because you’re my friend and I wanted to do something to repay you for the kindness you’ve shown me since saving me that day. I’m sorry it happened here in the hospital, but I know you’re leaving and this was the only chance I’d get to say what I had to,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper as if one of us are going to hit her or hurt her any other way we can.

“You’re safe here, Morgan. No one in the club will ever hurt you. Jinx has never raised his hand to a woman before and he’s not going to start with you. The rest of the guys are the same. Open up to them, Morgan. The men and women of this club will be the best friends you could surround yourself with,” I tell her as she gives me a small smile while still shrinking into herself.

“Hope’s not wrong, Morgan. I’d never hurt you. I’m upset because I asked you not to talk to her right now while she’s recoverin’ from bein’ shot, but I understand why you chose to do it anyway. As long as the two of you are okay, I’ll get over bein’ upset. Hope is also right that you can open up to anyone in the club and they’ll not only keep your secrets, but they’ll help you as much as they can. Especially the women. I’m not sayin’ you gotta share your entire story, but the guys already know most of it. The women will lend you strength when you don’t have your own and make sure you don’t ever feel the way that fucker did again. They’re amazin’ at buildin’ a person up if I’m bein’ honest. And the guys will go out of their way to protect you from your ex. He won’t get close to you as long as we’re around,” Jinx informs Morgan as the smile on her face widens and for the first time today she looks as if the weight on her shoulders is starting to disappear or at least fade slightly.

“Thank you, both of you. Hope, I’ll wait for you to return. Maybe we could have lunch or something,” Morgan says as she moves from my bed and I smile at her.

“I’d like that, Morgan. In the meantime, open up to the girls in the clubhouse. Let them in and see that they’d make some really good friends. You’re not a Phantom girl and won’t be treated as one. If they even attempted to get to know the ol’ ladies, they’d be surprised to find that the ol’ ladies will accept them more than they do now. If I’ve learned anything from growing up in the club, it’s that. None of us are closed minded and we tend to accept almost everyone,” I inform her as she gives me a nod before disappearing from my room, leaving Jinx and I alone for the first time since I woke up.

“I’m sorry she came in here, Sweet Girl. I know she wanted to talk to you, but I asked her to wait until you were fully recovered,” Jinx says as he pulls one of the chairs closer to my bed before sitting down and lacing our fingers together again.

He’s been finding small ways to touch me since I woke up and the only reason I didn’t stop him from doing it before is because I needed that connection with him. After feeling as if I was going to die in the store, I simply needed to know that we would be friends no matter what was going on with Morgan and him. Now, I don’t want to tell him to stop touching me because that need has turned into craving his touch.

“You don’t have to apologize, Jinx. I don’t want one from Morgan or you. I agree that we need to talk and I’m finally ready to sit down and listen to what you have to say. I’m sorry that I haven’t let you talk before now. Like I told Morgan, I didn’t want to be a homewrecker and come between the two of you. Despite you saying that there was nothing between the two of you, everything I saw over the last several months made me believe you were lying for some reason,” I tell him as a nurse comes in with a stack of papers and a smile on her face.

“Are you ready to get out of here, Hope?” she asks, walking up and setting the papers on the table next to my bed.

“More than ready. I’ve been in here a month total and I hate hospitals! No offense to you, but I’ve never liked them,” I say, excitement filling me as the nurse gets me ready to leave.

“I’m gonna go grab your bag from your mom so you can get dressed. In fact, I’ll send her and Faith in to help you. If I’m in here when you change, your dad will kill me,” Jinx says as he leaves the room after pressing a kiss against the top of my head.

The nurse goes over all of my discharge instructions with me. I’m allowed to start resuming normal activity as long as I use the wheelchair. My dad has hired a therapist to go with us to the cabin so I can get the physical therapy I need since I can’t just go to an office or whatever to get it. We’ll be utilizing the pool at the cabin along with the gym that’s in the lower level. Vault made sure we’d have everything I need to continue recovering when I leave here since I won’t be at the clubhouse.

My mom and Faith enter my room after the nurse takes out my IV and goes over everything. The last thing she does is give me a dose of pain medicine and antibiotics so I can get through the drive to the cabin. They don’t know much, but Dr. Smythe was alerted that I would be traveling in a vehicle for a few hours once I left here. No one knows where I’m going or what is going on exactly for a reason. They can’t get hurt if they don’t know anything.

After getting dressed in a pair of loose sweatpants, a pair of fuzzy socks, and one of Jinx’ tee-shirts, I’m loaded up in the wheelchair I have to use to leave. My dad pushes me through the halls of the hospital with my mom and sister on one side and Jinx on the other. We’re surrounded by everyone in the club so no one can get close to me. I feel kind of like royalty right now if I’m being honest. I give my parents long hugs goodbye as they get me settled in the backseat of the SUV I’m riding in with Jinx, Bronx, and Court. Raptor and the rest of the guys will be in the truck with the therapist who just met us at the entrance of the hospital.

“Sleep, Sweet Girl. I know you just got medicine so the best thing for you is to sleep. I’ll be right next to you on the journey,” Jinx tells me as he pulls me down so my head is in his lap before covering me with one of my blankets that I always curl up with.

Chapter Fifteen

Jinx

WE’VE BEEN AT the cabin for almost two weeks now and I’m loving the time I’ve spent with Hope. So far we haven’t talked about anything too heavy because she’s been really sore and exhausted from the therapy she’s been doing every single day. I want to hate her therapist, but I know she’s just doing her job and it’s what Hope needs to finish recovering. It’s just hard to watch her be in so much pain and not be able to do anything to help her. King feels the exact same way and spends most of his time either on guard duty outside with the other guys or locked in the room he’s taken over here. The less he has to see his cousin in pain and suffering, the happier he is. None of us actually like seeing her in pain, but the one who’s taking it the hardest is Raptor. He watches her from afar and doesn’t allow himself to get too close to Hope. It’s only hurting her more because she sees how he acts toward her and it breaks her heart a little more each day. Raptor needs to realize the damage he’s causing by acting the way he is right now.

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