Page 72 of Breathe Again

“Self-care.” She flushed, embarrassed. “The counselor said self-care is important. Doing specific things to bring down the threshold of anxiety, like relaxation exercises and other soothing activities, I need to learn distraction techniques as well for when I have other types of urges.”

Her face flushed a darker red, shamed.

Pissed him off. He tucked it away.

“What about things like going shopping? Getting your hair done? Spending time with Bex and Willa? Those things are important too. You’re worth your time and energy, too. You’re worth my time and energy. You’re worth Bex and Willa’s time and energy.”

“Bex and Willa have really taken it all to heart. Willa has taken Olivia for the past two Fridays…”

Zale interrupted, wagging his eyebrows. “I know.”

She blushed, smiling. “And Bex is still taking her to the shelter, she made time to go swimming with us twice in the past two weeks, they both made sure I went shopping for this trip…”

“I like the sound of that.”

She laughed. “Stop!”

He smiled. “These are all good things, gorgeous.”

“I know.” She looked back down into her coffee cup. “Good for me, not necessarily good for them, I don’t like asking people for things.I don’t feel that I’m deserving, and I do feel like I’m a burden, that I’m being selfish. Everybody has their own stuff they need to take care of. They don’t need to be looking after me.”

“You’re not a burden, and if you are, then we all are, we’re all burdens on each other, but welcome burdens, because that is a relationship. Your mother instilled those feelings in you by guilting you whenever you wanted something that didn’t line up with her plans. Fight her interference in your relationships.”

“Okay, honey.”

“I’m glad you told Bex and Willa. They seemed to take it all in stride. I knew they would. I’d like to see you accept support from Bex and Willa, meet up with them regularly to talk through some of this shit that your mother tries to fill you with.”

“Funny you should say that. Erin, the counselor, recommended I surround myself with people who will tell me the truth to counteract the alternate reality my mother spins. I asked if she thought she’s a narcissist and she said she definitely exhibits those traits.” She paused. “Bex and Willa assured me they want to support me, they’ll meet with me, and more importantly, they’ll help me decode the crazy conversations with my mother.”

Her eyes got big, with her pretty mouth twisted to the side, he could see her struggling with this idea.

“Do it for them, too, Mara.” She looked up at him. “They need you healthy and whole. I was going to say especially Willa, but Bex, too.”

“This is true,” she acknowledged.

Perhaps it was dishonest to motivate her to do for herself by appealing to her inclination to care for others, but at this point, he figured, whatever works, hoping it would have the positive influence of increasing her self-esteem and getting her the support she deserved.

She asked, “Do you believe she’s a narcissist?”

He sat back. “It’s tough, I don’t see that side of her, but I believe you, everything you’ve told me, I just attributed it to different reasons. It’ll take a bit to reprogram my responses. I have a question for you. How do you feel about confiding in Sophie?”

Her eyes widened and he easily read the fear there. “No, no way. I don’t want them to know. They’ll feel sorry for you. I couldn’t take that.”

“Okay,” he rushed to soothe her. “No problem. I don’t believe that would be the case, but it’s up to you.”

She shook her head but moved on. “I’m worried that my moods affect Olivia, that they have affected her all these years.”

Her eyes welled and she went back to studying the contents of her coffee cup.

“It never touched her, Mara,” he assured her firmly. Her eyes flew to his. He held her gaze. “I promise you. It never touched her.”

A single tear escaped. She reached across the table and touched the back of his hand with one finger. He turned his palm up and enclosed her hand in his.

“Only you,” she whispered, heartbroken.

“You’re worth it,” he whispered back.

Soon after, he decided it was time to change the direction of their talk and they left the coffee shop, dropped the shopping bags off at the hotel that was a few doors down, freshened up, and then went for a long walk that ended at Molly Bloom’s Irish Pub for dinner.

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